Guidelines to Chipmunks and Chipettes!
by ice around the moon
Summary: Think you have what it takes to live with chipmunks and chipettes? Think you don't? Here's a simple rulebook to help you out. Don't think you'll need it? Your funeral, bro.
1. Socks and Jumping Beans!

**Hi, thur:) I came up with this the other day when I was day dreaming in school, thinking about how crazy it would be to live in a house with the chipmunks and chipettes. Hope you like what I came up with! **

**Many thanks to shortnsweet615 for being a wonderful beta to this chapter:)**

**For those of you who don't know Padamay****, she is the niece of Dave Seville and the sixteen year old sister of Toby Seville, who was introduced in the Squeakquel. In my stories, Padamay found the chipettes when she was little and they have been with her ever sense. They meet the chipmunks when Dave calls Padamay to baby-sit the munks while he is on a business trip. **

**So...I think that's about it. If you want more, leave a review! Enjoy!:)**

**I do not own Alvin and the Chipmunks**

**(Rules 1-20)**

Dave Seville re-read the letter for the fourth time.

_Dear Mr. Seville,_

_Fans around the globe have been all asking: What is it like living with three rock stars? Surely there must be certain rules that apply to the chipmunk's that differ from a regular house hold. There must also be guildelines that that you must remember as well, to service in a house with such a busy schedule._

_We at Jet Records would be honored if you would send us a few regulations that you and your son's follow on a regular basis, with an included caption. It would satisfy the wondering minds of many fans, we're sure._

_Sincerely,_

_Johnny Cameron-C.E.O of Jet Records_

"Whatcha got there, Dave?"

Dave looked up to his niece. Her pink highlighted curls bounced as she crooked her head. Her curled lash's batted in a blink. Dave shrugged, handing her the letter before he took his coat out of the hall closet. "Oh," he said, shrugging on his jacket. "Just a letter from Jet Records. They asked me to write a rule book."

"About what?"

Dave cracked a grin. "Guideline's to living with chipmunks."

Padamay smiled a little as well. "So are you gonna do it?"

"Maybe," Dave sighed, pulling his key's from his pocket. "If I ever get the time." He then noticed that Padamay was very much alone.

"Are the chipettes with you?" he asked.

"Yeah they're in the game room with the munk's," she laughed. "Guess you were too focused on that letter to hear them come in."

"Ah," Dave said, opening the front door. "Well, I should be back in a few hours. Keep 'em out of trouble."

"Will do," Padamay replied. "Have a nice conference."

Dave snorted in reply before she shut the door.

Padamay read over the letter as she walked over the couch and sat down, criss-crossing her legs. She pursed her lips in thought as the gears began moving inside her head.

_Hmm, _she thought. _Dave's always so busy. Plus, I don't really have anything else to do, so..._

The teen retrieved her laptop from her bag, then opened up WordPad.

Padamay grinned. "Let's see," she muttered. "If I were a rule book on surviving life with chipmunk's, what would I say...?"

**Rules #1-20 by Padamay Seville**

Rule #1-Chipmunk's and energy drinks of any kind (Monster, Red Bull, Rockstar, AMP, you know what I'm talking about) should NEVER mix.

(I don't know why I have to keep telling Dave this, I mean he's had to take Alvin to the hospital three times to get him sedated after he chugged down four Red Bulls)

(...Then again, I told Alvin I'd give him ten bucks if he did it)

_(Cough)_

Rule #2-If you value your life, only wake Brittany under dire circumstances.

(Not even kidding)

Rule #3-If you ever find an experiment made by Simon or Jeanette, do NOT press the red button.

(They made a bomb out of bubblegum, rubber bands, Coke, and cotton balls. Can you imagine what a red button would do?)

Rule #4-When driving, never let Alvin steer unless you want some remodeling done on your car...or someone else's house.

(Common sense)

Rule #5-As much fun as it is, don't sing the song, "I'm Awesome" by Spose when my brother, Toby, is around.

_(I'm awesome, driving around in my mom's ride!)_

_(I'm awesome, a quater if my life gone by, and I met all my friend's online!)_

_(I'm awesome, there's no voice mail, nobody called!)_

_(I'm awesome, I can't afford to buy eight balls and I talk to myself on my Facebook wall!)_

("PADAMAY SHUT UP!")

_(Wince)_

(See what happens? Good people lose their hearing privileges)

Rule #6-Never try to talk to animals in public.

(Don't question the fact that it's just the chipmunks and chipettes that talk)

(Just don't)

Rule #7-Don't try to sing as high as the chipmunks.

(I actually got pretty close one time!)

(Toby one the other hand, couldn't talk for about three days after he tried)

_(Shakes head)_

(Ah, Tobester...you should have stuck to going _pew pew pew_ all day)

Rule #8-Always watch where you step when in the Chipmunk or Chipette Rez.

(Even if they can move quicker than all of us, they can't pull a Flash when off guard)

(Poor Jeanette had to learn that the hard way...and so did my Converse)

Rule #9-Don't challenge a chipmunk or chipette to a battle of Dance Dance Revolution

(Eleanor and Theodore may not look it, but they actually beat everyone on the last level)

(They were like two little mexican jumping beans! XD)

Rule #10-No matter how annoying paparazzi is, you can't go ninja on them.

(Dave's had to bail me out like three times)

(Mom even had to bail Toby out once!)

(Muahaha, I've taught him well)

Rule #11-No matter how much Alvin begs, do NOT let him ride on top of your vehicle

(What is it with him and cars?)

Rule #12-If a chipmunk or chipette steals your cell phone, simply go into Toby's room (Holding your breath) find a used sock (Not that hard) and chase that little demon down and stuff them inside it. But only for ten seconds tops.

(Any longer and I probably would have gassed them)

(But hey, my phone hasn't been taken ever sense!)

(Actually, they jump about ten feet back when I pull my phone out now days)

(Buahaha!)

Rule #13-If Alvin stare's at you smiling innocently for more than thirty seconds RUN.

(Everyone should catch on to this one)

Rule #14-Don't quote SpongeBob. Ever.

"I'm ready! I'm ready!"

(Dave usually does this before a concert to get pumped up)

"Bring it around town! Bring it arooound town!"

(That one would be Alvin's favorite to annoy Brittany with)

"Rectangle's!"

(Simon thought of that one when I had a geometry test)

"The Hash Slinging Slasher!"

(I had to resort to Toby's socks for this one after Brittany scared Eleanor with that)

"You'll never beat me, I'm HYDRODYNAMICALLY DESIGNED!"

(I said that to Dave when he was trying to beat me at a game of Wii Tennis)

(Dave's reply?)

(o.O)

Rule #15-Never let the munk's try to solve a rubix cube.

(Poor Simon was up all night trying to figure that dang thing out)

(But he did...Eventually)

Rule #16-Never let chipette's or chipmunk's near a microwave

(I once let Alvin try to microwave some marshmallows. Don't ask.)

(Did you know that marshmallow's will blow up if you leave them in there long enough?)

(Yeah well, like always, we had to learn that the hard way)

(When I opened the microwave door, Toby jumped back and screamed, "IT'S ALIVE!")

(As you can tell, stupidity and randomness run's in the family)

Rule #17-Never let chipmunk's or chipette's near hair dye.

(Long story short, I was going to dye Toby's hair green in his sleep, and Alvin kind of slipped and rolled around in it)

(He made me wish I was stuffed in Toby's sock after that)

Rule #18-No more Kesha!

_(D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R a Dinosaur! And O-L-D M-A-N you're just an old man!)_

(Dave was very offended when I started singing it when he was around)

_(And now dudes are lining up 'cause they hear we got swagger, but we kick 'em to the curve unless they look like Mick Jagger!)_

(I almost broke a rib from laughing so hard when I heard Toby singing that in the shower)

_(Maybe I need some rehab, or maybe just need some sleep. I got a sick obsession; I'm seeing it in my dreams. I'm looking down every alley, I'm making those desperate calls. I'm stayin' up all night hoping hitting my head against the wall!)_

(I convinced Alvin to sing that after he spilt coffee on Brittany)

(Totaly aw moment!)

(Brittany wasn't exactly awwing though...)

Rule #19-Do NOT try to teach Dave how to dance

(Although Dave+Macarena=Dying of laughter)

Rule #20-Another option to stopping a chipmunk from stealing your cell phone: Learn how to climb tree's and house's.

(Trust me, the skill comes in very handy)

(Once Alvin climbed on the roof with my phone and I climbed up the vines on the side of the house)

(You should have seen his face when I jumped up there screamed, "BONZAI!" and threw him into a tree)

(Dave then got home and saw me on his roof)

(He blinked at me many times while I sat there)

(After many moments of awkward silence, I said, "Your gutters need cleaning. Just thought you should know.")

**888**

Padamay grinned triumphantly, popping her knuckles.

"There," she said as she sent the document through an email to Jet Records. "That should be good enough, if I do say so myself."

**888**

While out at the local Starbucks the next morning with the family, Dave Seville got a call from Johnny Cameron.

"THAT WAS AMAZING! Those rules got over a million hit's on our company's website last night, and we've got nothing but positive feedback ever sense! I need more! You MUST write more!"

Dave slowly turned his face over to Padamay.

The teen simply crinkled her sapphire eyes over her Starbucks cup. All six chipmunk's and chipette's blinked questionably at her. Toby crooked his head in question.

"Uh," he muttered slowly. "Did we miss something?"

**So, who thinks I should continue this? If you have any suggestions, feel free to tell! Peace!:)**


	2. Blackmail Race!

**Ho. Ly. Munkers. **

**Thnx so much for all the reviews!:)**

**And thank you shortnsweet615 for betaing:)**

**I do not own Alvin and the Chipmunks**

**(Rules 20-40)**

"So lemme get this straight," Toby said as he held a tight grip on his game controller, which was a steering wheel. It was connected to his computer with wires connecting to his TV so he could get a larger view of the online racetrack. His game car, a black convertible, was in seventh place out of ninth. The wheel vibrated as the car treaded off the road silghtly. He pulled sharply to the right, wincing as he grazed another car.

"You want _me _to help _you _with these guidelines?" he continued. "Why me?"

From the corner of his eye, Toby saw his sister look up from her laptop. She propped her chin on her fist. "Well," she said, wincing as Toby's car was slammed by an orange one. "I can't write all these rules by myself, so..."

"Have Dave help you," Toby said with a shrug, pulling a hard left turn. "After all, he _was _the one who was supposed to write the guidelines."

"He's too busy taking care of his _wifey_," Padamay said with a grin as she turned back to her own screen. "She's gonna pop that kid out any second," Padamay muttered, finger's flying over the keys to her computer.

Toby grimaced as a truck smashed his bumped. "What's in it for me?" he asked, glancing at his sister.

Padamay rolled her sapphire eyes. "What do you want me to do? Give you your blackmail material?"

"What?"

"Nothing!" Padamay said quickly with an innocent smile.

Toby sighed heavily, his car now in a quick, relaxed coast. "What _do _I want?" he muttered with a slow grin forming on his face.

Padamay placed a hand on her hips. "okay, if you're gonna start all that crap, I'll go over to the jail and ask Ian for help."

"Touch, touchy," Toby snickered. He squeaked and gasped when he was slammed in between two players.

Padamay narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips. She sat her laptop down, walked over to Toby, and yanked the wheel from his hands. Toby shrieked loudly, dramatically throwing a hand over his heart.

"Oh, shut up," Padamay bit her tongue in concentration as she sped up Toby's convertible. She flicked her wrists, slamming into a green truck and throwing him off the track, which put him out of the race. Toby watched her with a dropped jaw at first as she continued to pass cars and slam them off the track. He began to repeated, "Come on, come on!" while biting his nail's.

"Again with the shut to the up!" Padamay said as she gained enough speed to put herself neck and neck with the leader.

"Now," Padamay smiled. "You gonna help me?"

Toby hesitated. "Well-"

Padamay slowed down the car, veering off the road. Toby gasped, clutching his throat as his head snapped to her and the screen, then back at her. "Wh-wha-what are you doing?"

Padamay sighed heavily. "Man, I've got _so _much on my mind right now," She rolled her wrists over the wheel. "Got a job, school, a boyfriend...now these rules." She pouted, inching the convertible off the road. "How will I ever be able to focus on anything?"

Toby bit his lip as one of the front wheels treaded dangerously off the track.

"Okay, okay!" Toby screamed, waving his arms. "I'll do it!"

"Excellent!" Padamay smirked, squaring her shoulders as she took a firm hold of the wheel once more.

She glanced over at her brother after she passed the finish line first. Smiling, Padamay stood, placing her hands on her hips while Toby gapped at the screen.

"Pleasure doing business with you, Tobester," she said, patting his head.

Toby turned to glare at her as she walked out of the room. "Evil, evil child," he muttered to himself, shaking his head.

**Rules #20-40 by Toby Seville**

Rule #20-Horror movies are forever banned at the chipmunk/chipette rez.

(I heard poor Theodore slept with Dave and Claire for two weeks after watching The Grudge)

(It probably didn't help that Alvin was under the bed making the croaking sound)

_(Shakes head)_

(Oh, Padamay. You've taught him too well)

Rule #21-Do not say the sentence, "You filthy rodent!" anywhere near the munks.

(They get offended)

(Not that it was me who did it or anything!)

(..._cough)_

Rule #22-No more stealing Dave's credit cards. Not even for 'emergencies'.

(Padamay and Alvin, you know this one's for you)

Rule #23-The song 'One hundred bottles of beer on the wall' is BANNED from ALL circumstances.

(Even on those long rides home from the concerts)

(Padamay even went down to the negatives just to make my headache increase tenfold)

(Do you feel the freaking love?)

Rule #24-Don't let my sister watch Austin Powers, she quotes him waaaay to much.

(One morning she went to the mailbox, then threw a bill at me and said, "You've got mail baby, yeaaaah!" while pointing at me and winking)

_(Sweatdrop)_

(Dave told me Alvin did it on the same day)

(Padamay then pointed at the munk and said, "He's my mini-me." Then they fist bumped)

(Again with the sweatdrop!)

Rule #25-The song 'The Bird is the Word' from Family Guy is also forever band from the rez's.

(Dave had a headache three days AFTER Alvin stopped singing it)

Rule #26-Air horns are banned as well.

(My ears are STILL ringing)

(Yeah, thanks Brittany...)

Rule #27-No more Hide and Seek with the chipettes.

(It took me three...freaking..._hours..._to find them)

(I finally found Brittany inside a thermos)

(Jeanette was hiding behind a figurine)

(Eleanor was inside one of those cardboard paper towel thingy's)

(I know, I was shocked too)

Rule #28-Don't quote Step Brothers.

"Shut your mouth. Sh-sh-shut your mouth."

(Mom uses that one on Padamay and myself all the time)

"Why are you so sweaty?" / "I was watching Cops."

(This actually happened once when I knocked on Dave's door and he opened it with a red face and panting.)

"Chewbacca masks!"

(Very handy for scaring your sister after she drops a water balloon on your head)

(She climbed on the roof and dropped it while I was walking out the door!)

(I have GOT to learn how to climb!)

"You know what I got for Christmas? A crushed soul!"

(Alvin got very dramatic when he didn't get a hula-hoop for Christmas)

Rule #29-No more slip-and-slide.

(Jeanette ended up in a tree)

Rule #30-No slingshots.

(My eye STILL hurts...)

(Once again, Padamay and Alvin, this one's for you!)

Rule #31-'Yo mama' jokes can't be used any more.

(I tried to use it on Padamay...didn't work out that well)

(Alvin said it to Simon...Simon face-palmed)

Rule #32-Do NOT show the munks The Annoying Orange on Youtube.

(Brittany walked around the house for two days saying, "WASABI!"

(DEAR..._God...)_

(I really need earplugs.)

Rule #33-Don't challenge Padamay to a dance off.

(The chipmunks and chipettes have taught her well)

(But I can moonwalk! :D)

(...Sort of.)

Rule #34-If Theodore and Eleanor ask you where babies come from, just leave the room.

(They will be scarred for life, and you will be blamed)

Rule #35-When visiting the Chipmunk or Chipette Rez, you can't say, "Holy munk!" or "Oh munk!" or even "Munkers!"

(Seville's only)

(Represent! xD)

Rule #36-Do not sing any embarrassing songs while in the shower.

(Padamay always has her Flip camera with her, so beware)

Rule #37-The word _pwned _is banned from the rez's.

(I'm always the one getting pwned, so I banned it)

Rule #38-No staring at my sister.

(I'm talking to you, men!)

(Yeah, YOU!)

Rule #39-When I say don't touch my car, NO TOUCHIE THE CAR.

(Go touch Padamay's)

Rule #40-And while we're setting up restrictions...STAY AWAY FROM MY SOCKS!

(Padamay, I swear if I get one more call from Dave saying that Theodore had another sock nightmare, you are _so _going in the washer with the dirty socks! AND UNDIES!)

(Yeah, I went there!)

**(PWN!)**

**888**

**Ah, Tobester rocks. Ain't he dreamy? x)**

**So...how was that?**

**And, by the way, it won't just be Padamay and Toby making these rules. I'd get bored with that, ha-ha. **

**For those of you who don't know...**

**Pwned=Owned **

**And Ian? The guy Padamay was talking about? He's that bald dude from the movies;)**


	3. Jengas and Bonzais!

**Wisdom teeth ****SUCK****:( **

**But on a brighter note!**

**Many thanks to shortnsweet615 for her betaing, and coming up with Rule #54:)**

**Thanks to one of my awesome reviewers, MunksEttesAndCountryMusic. I'm using your rule you came up with, just changed it up a little;) I hope that's okay!**

**And thanks so much to Tatyanna Witwicky for letting me use some of her rules from her story **_**Guidelines to living with Robots! **_**If you love Transformers, randomness and breaking your ribs from laughter, READ IT!;)**

**That's all for now! **

**I do not own Alvin and the Chipmunks**

**(Rules 40-60)**

Dave Seville mouthed out the notes he made as his fingers danced over the white keys. He visibly jerked when a note rang higher than the others. Sighing, he shook his head and erased it from his near blank sheet music.

From his spot in his music room he could hear an episode of Family Guy coming from the living room. The volume was on low.

Dave rolled his eyes and called, "Alvin, Brittany, shut it off."

He heard two groans and a flip of the channel. Dave grinned slightly before he continued tapping the keys.

"Come on, Dave!" Alvin said loudly. Dave paused his playing to glance over into the living room and was met with two pouts. He met the pouts and wide eyes of Brittany and Alvin from the back of the couch. They put Puss and Boots to shame.

Dave sighed and said, "Just make sure Theodore and Eleanor don't hear you."

"Yes!" Brittany whispered, pumping the air with her fist. The chipmunk and chipette slid back down the couch and flipped the channel back.

Dave heard a snort from behind him. He glanced over his back to see his wife of eight months shaking her head. "Next thing, you'll be letting Padamay superglue your recliner to the mini-van," Claire muttered. Her blonde locks swished as she continued to shake her head. "With Toby driving."

Before Dave could reply, he heard his phone go off in the living room.

"GOT IT!" Alvin and Brittany said in unison.

"Oh, God," Claire said, already knowing what was going to happen. "Dinner in five!" she said before quickly making a retreat.

"I'll give it to him!"

"No, I got it first!"

"I was in this _house _first!"

"And I was kissed first!"

"Say WHAT?"

Brittany dashed into the music room, skidding on her feet before hopping onto a chair. She then jumped onto the right side of the piano, which made a melody of quiet notes. The chipette hopped onto Dave's shoulder and smirked down at Alvin, who was glaring at her from the floor. "Ha!" she said with a smirk. She clutched Dave's silver phone in her hands.

"Here you go, Dave!" the pink clothed chipette said with an innocent grin and blink of her cobalt eyes.

Dave thanked her before flipping open his phone. It was a text from his sister, Padamay's mother.

**Hey, Dave. Thanks for keeping the chipettes for a night so Padamay could study. Although she isn't getting much studying done with Toby blasting away at some video game down the hall. Anyway, I also wanted to tell you that you'd better get started on those rules, because Toby and Padamay are now requesting a five dollar allowance for each rule. Not that I'd never actually pay them, but I'm sure they'll eventually find a way to drive me up the wall and give it to them. So for the sake of my Abraham Lincolns, maybe you could get them done by tonight? Thanks!**

"Dinner's ready!" Claire called from the kitchen.

"I call the dark meat!" Alvin announced before taking off towards the kitchen. Brittany growled and raced after him just as Jeanette, Simon, Eleanor, and Theodore dashed behind them.

Dave laughed quietly, snatching up a blank piece of paper from under his sheet music. He grabbed a pencil and pursed his lips in thought.

"Well, if Padamay and Toby can do it..." he said as he pressed the lead to the paper.

**Rules #40-60 by Dave Seville**

Rule #40-Never challenge Simon to a game of Guitar Hero unless you're a good sport and don't mind losing _very _badly.

(He beat the game on Extreme)

(Blindfolded)

(Padamay, Alvin, and Toby followed him around the entire day chanting, "We are not worthy! We are not worthy!")

Rule #41-The game 'Boost Up' is forever banned from the rez's.

(Jeanette told me it's when you go up behind someone and _grab_ them, then yell, "BOOST UP!")

(Not sure how _she _knew what it means...)

(Alvin went around doing it to everyone, but he didn't have the guts to do it to Padamay)

(Brittany then triple dog dared him)

(Then Alvin snuck up behind Padamay when she dropped something, and-)

("BOOST UP, PAD!")

(I've never seen Alvin run so fast)

(While Padamay chased him around the yard with a baseball bat, he yelled, "Simon! Write on my tombstone that I regret nothing! Buahahaha!")

Rule #42-If Alvin and Brittany break up, do NOT console either of them.

(I know I shouldn't be saying that, but trust me on this one)

(If you go to Brittany and ask her what's wrong, she'll stare at you for exactly 3.5 seconds before shrieking, "YOUR FACE IS WRONG!" Then she slams the door in your wrongful face.)

(If you go to Alvin, he'll be too busy to talk to you)

(Busy as in playing the Blues on his harmonica, locked up in his room)

Rule #43-If Simon and Jeanette's experiments go wrong and they say the following, you'd better DUCK AND COVER.

"Nobody panic, nobody panic! We just have to follow these simple instructions...Crap! Jeanette, where'd you put them?" / "You had them!" / "Did not!" / "Did to!" / "Did not!" / "Did to!"

(That one was from the tomato bomb)

Rule #44-Don't sign my mini-van up for Pimp My Ride.

(Alvin, Brittany, Padamay, Toby)

Rule #45-Don't you dare spike the munks coffee with ANYTHING.

(We all once got up late for a concert and the coffee wasn't really helping Alvin wake up)

(So my _lovely _niece decided to put half a can of Monster Energy in it)

(Yes, we're very common attendees to the ER for chipmunk sedation)

(Thank you, Padamay)

Rule #46-Don't let the chipmunks or chipettes play The Dizzy Game.

(It's where you hold a baseball bat and hold it to your forehead, then you spin around numerous times)

(...)

(Don't ask me how I know what it is...)

Rule #47-Chipmunks and chipettes+Ball Pit=Baaaad idea.

(Took me two hours to find them)

(Padamay and Toby were supposed to be helping me, but I saw Padamay get this tempted look on her face before she cannon balled inside it screaming, "BONZAI!")

(Toby then followed suit while yelling, "JENGA!" and did a belly flop)

Rule #48-If you just so happen to be running a Haunted House, DON'T ask the munks for help.

(We helped with a neighbor's one time)

(Padamay ran up to Alvin and said, "Okay, you got those rubber snakes ready, little dude?")

(Alvin then blinked at her before his eyes went wide. "They were supposed to be fake?")

(We bailed)

Rule #49-Don't ask them to help with a New Year's Party either.

(When fireworks went off at midnight, Brittany said, "Oh, look! Fireworks!")

(Simon said, "Ah, those aren't fireworks.")

(Double bail)

(I am _so _too old for this)

Rule #50-Don't go over the Zombieland Rules of Survival before a concert.

(Padamay and Toby now 'limber up' before stage duty)

(They went _crazy _on the fangirl's after watching that movie)

(Their war cries were, "JENGA!" and "BONZAI!")

(After that all the fans were dead quiet)

(Padamay then grinned evilly while Toby raised his arms up and they both said in unison, "Welcome...to Zombieland!")

(Shockingly, they both got a raise for doing that)

Rule #51-If you like breathing, don't tell Brittany she's the animal version of Paris Hilton.

(She will go rabid on you)

(Although the resemblance is a little...no, never mind)

Rule #52-Always beware of pranks in the Chipmunk/Chipette Rez.

(It doesn't matter how much you prepare yourself for them, they alway's strike when you least expect it)

(Helpful hint: Don't leave your shoes laying around)

(They can fit in them and they can move in them)

(And by moving, I mean make them walk)

(I now keep my shoes locked in my closet, which is dead-bolted)

Rule #53-Don't let Brittany help you pick out outfits.

(Unless you like pink)

(Lots and lots of pink)

(Trust me, there is no way you can look manly in a hot pink wife-beater)

(Alvin saw me wearing one once and he blinked at me before saying, "Is there something you're not telling me, Dave?")

_(Facepalm)_

(Eleanor then walked in the room, took one look at me, and nearly broke a rib from laughing so hard)

Rule #54-If there are no toaster waffles in the house, you'd better get some. Pronto.

("Where are my waffles? Dave...WHEEEEERE...ARRRE...MY...**WAAAAAAAAAFFFFFLLLEEESSS**!")

(Pancake's just don't cut it in our house)

Rule #55-Like Padamay has said, don't try to sing like a chipmunk.

(Your tongue will get twisted in ways you can't even imagine)

(Beside's, Padamay's the only one who's gotten even half way close)

(I mean she _can _sing Levan Polka, which is a song that humans can't even sing!)

_(A lapp dapp dapp a-dibi dabi din, labba dip dan din, lan den lan do war ba lip da dap! Ba lipp ba libb, ba libbi, libbi, libbi dab den lan do!)_

Rule #56-Toby, stop getting pick up lines off the internet. And also stop trying to get me to use them just to test them out.

("You'll do.")

("My love is a killer. Wanna die happy?")

("You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.")

("All those curves! And me with no breaks!")

(Alvin tried that one on Brittany. She was laughing too hard to say anything.)

("If you were a burger at McDonalds, you'd be a McGorgeous.")

("Can I even get a fake number?")

(Shockingly, he did get one)

Rule #57-If you hear singing coming from the dishwasher, do NOT open it.

(That would be the munk shower)

(So when you see Alvin get up and say, "I'm takin' a shower," and he walks into the kitchen, don't question it)

Rule #58-Don't let the munks pick out Christmas ornaments.

(They got a blue toothbrush, green pliers, orange Halloween lights, and a purple steering wheel cover)

(It was a redneck rainbow!)

Rule #60-Don't look up name generators.

(Padamay's idea)

(Alvin's stripper name was Cinnamon Heaven)

(Brittany's was Barbie Star)

(Toby's is Trixie the Gypsy)

(Padamay's was Deja Diamond)

(Mine was White Chocolate)

(...Like I said, don't look up name generators)

**888**

_**Mua **_**to the **_**ha ha ha**_**;)**

***Wince* **

**Ow. **

**Fun fact of the day: Evil laughter hurts with wisdom teeth.**


	4. Warning Labels!

**So I watched Juno for the first time the other day.**

**I'm freaking in love with Paulie Bleaker.**

**I mean come on, who could no spaz over those legs?**

**Many thank's to shortnsweet615 for being an epicly-epic beta!:)**

**I do now own Alvin and the Chipmunks**

**(Rules 60-80)**

"Toby, get the door!"

Said Seville bit his tongue as he attempted a riff on the guitar he held. He watched as the multicolored notes ran down the screen in a pace that quickened as the seconds went by. Toby's eyes had started to sting sense the flat screen was the only source of light in the living room.

"C'mon, c'mon," Toby chanted. "No, no, no! Yes, yes, yes! No, yes, yes, no!"

The door bell rang once more.

"Toby-"

"MOM, FOR MUNKS SAKE WOULD YOU HOLD ON!" Toby screamed back, his fingers rapidly pushing the colorful button's of the guitar. "I HAVE to beat Simon! There is no way the Tobester is going down without a fight!"

From the corner of his eye he saw Brittany scamper into the dark room. "Face it, Toby," the chipette said, flipping back some fur. "You've been beat by a chipmunk." She shook her head with a sigh. "How will you as a Gamer live with the guilt?"

Toby glared at the screen before he glanced at her. "If this demonic game wasn't sucking the ever-loving life out of me, you'd so be stuffed in a sock right now," he muttered.

"Ha!" Brittany grinned widely, crossing her arms. "Over Alvin's pile of ashes."

The pink clothed chipette trotted over to the door and leaped onto the knob. She twisted herself around it and the lock clicked open. Brittany hopped down and blinked up at the visitor as his silhouette blocked the deep light of the setting Sun.

In the doorway was a teen no more than a year older than Padamay. His golden locks flashed hue's of dancing light as his blue bottle glass eyes crinkled at the chipette.

Brittany blinked. "Oh!" she said. The chipette waved and smiled brightly. "Hi, Jaxon!"

Jaxon swished his bangs out of his sight as he spoke. "Sup, Brittany," he said with a crooked grin. "Pad home?"

"Uh-huh," Brittany said, pushing the door open more so Jaxon could walk in. "She's in her room."

"Thanks," Jaxon said. He blinked as his eyes adjusted to the darkness of the living room. He looked over to Toby, who was picking out another song by tapping the buttons of his gutair.

Jaxon cleared his throat, placing his hands in his back pockets. He always dreaded these awkward moments with his girlfriend's brother. Toby Seville could glare daggers that were just as sharp as Padamay. So ever sense Padamay had told her brother Jaxon was now her main squeeze, those hazel daggers had been sharpened to the hilt. Not that the teen went over to the Chipette Residence that much, but now that Toby was working stage hand with himself and Padamay, he got all daggers all the time.

"Er," Jaxon cleared his throat and waved a little before rubbing the back of his neck. "Hey, Toby!"

"Hello the source of my sleeplessness," Toby replied in a grumble.

Jaxon crooked his head. "Um...say what?"

"You were on the phone with my sister until four in the morning last night," Toby said in a patient voice as he selected a song, still watching the screen. "I haven't slept in two days."

"Why aren't you asleep today?"

"Because I will _not _be brought down by a six inch tall rodent!" Toby exclaimed with a wicked grin and a crazy glint in his wide eyes. "I shall be...AVENGED! _Muahahahaha!"_

Jaxon blinked and looked down at Brittany. "Do I even wanna know?" he asked flatly.

Brittany simply gave him a look and pointed down the hallway. "Padamay's room is the last one on the right." The chipette scampered into the kitchen.

Jaxon gave Toby one last nervous look before he shuffled out of the room. When he was out Toby's sight he practically ran down the hallway.

The teen glanced into Toby's room on his way down the hallway. Empty cans of Coke, Red Bull, and Full Throttle were scattered around the room and poster's of game warriors and girls were placed all over the wall.

However, on the left side of the room it was entirly spotless. That was where the Wii, Xbox, and Playstation 1,2, and 3 were all perfectly in place, connected to a flat screen TV.

Jaxon whistled lowly. "Snaz_-ay," _he said.

The teen continued walking down the hallway. He couldn't have missed Padamay's room even if he tried. The walls were painted far to brightly to walk by without catching someone's eye. He was thankful he wouldn't have to maneuver pass any trash in her room like he would have to if it were Toby's room. In Padamay's room, there were no empty cans lying around, no empty game cases, no posters of girls. The only posters Padamay had hanging up were of the chipmunks and chipettes and a few bands that he had never heard of. One entire neon green wall was covered in photos of friends and family from top to bottom.

Over the sounds of a subtitled anime on the teen's lavender TV and a low up-beat song on the stereo, Jaxon heard, "Arg, curse you Physics!"

Jaxon looked over to Padamay's color-splattered bed. The teen laid upside down with her head clear off the side, a Physics book covering her face.

"Er, Pad?"

The book fell to the floor, making him jump. Padamay's eyes were wide and startled, then relaxed and crinkled. "Oh," she breathed in a laugh. "What's up, Peters?"

"Pad, how long have you been laying like that?" he asked with a crooked grin as he walked into the room over the bright blue carpet.

"Hmm," Padamay thought, then smirked. "What's today?"

Jaxon rolled his eyes as Padamay picked up her book and flipped back up into a sitting position. She blinked as the color faded back into her face.

"How goes the Physics?" he asked.

"Bleh," Padamay replied. Jaxon made a sympathetic noise. He glanced over at the colorfully wrapped present in the corner. The wrapping paper was covered in candy canes. He smiled. "Who's that for?"

Padamay glanced over at the gift and grinned as she flipped through the pages of her book. "Oh," her voice was high in a gossip tone. "It's for this dude at my school."

Jaxon's eyes grew wide as she continued. "Like...a teacher?"

"Oh, no," she said with a shake of her curls. "For a student, a guy in one of my classes."

"Really?"

"Yeppers," she said before sighing dreamily. "He's got this hair that's all swishy, and it's _so _soft. It's like eyebrow hair."

Jaxon caught on and smiled. "Sounds neat. The other day I got a gift for this girl in my third period."

Padamay arched an eyebrow. "Really? What's she look like? I might know her."

Jaxon smiled and walked over to her. "Oh, she's gorgeous," he said, then sang quietly, _"She's got blue eyes deep like the sea that roll back when she's laughing at me. She rises up like the tide, the moment her lips meet mine..."_

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

Padamay and Jaxon jerked out of their kiss, faces burning brightly. The Seville looked over Jaxon's shoulder to see Jeanette and Eleanor. The tallest purple clothed chipette was scowling fiercely with her hands over Eleanor's evergreen eyes.

"Honestly Pad," Jeanette said with a shake of her head. "I thought the no-modesty act was Alvin and Brittany's job!"

Padamay shrugged as her blush deepened. Jeanette rolled her eyes and said, "Dave just called your mother. He said you should get to work on those rules."

"Kay," Padamay said, not able to meet the hard indigo eyes of the chipette. "Thanks."

Jeanette huffed and steered Eleanor down the hallway.

Jaxon smacked his lips awkwardly as the seconds stretched on. "So," he coughed. "Need any help with those guidelines?"

**888**

**Rule's 60-80 by Padamay Seville**

Rule #60-Don't strap leaf blowers to your back while wearing roller skates.

(Shockingly, it was Simon's idea)

(It was so epically epic!)

(But Dave locked up the leaf blowers after I lost by balance and skidded across the concrete)

_(Wince)_

(Kind of had to agree with the ol' uncle on that one...)

Rule #61-When bored during those long morning drives to the concerts, never start singing _The Circle of Life _from The Lion King just to scare everyone awake.

_("Nants Ingonyama! Bagithi baba!")_

(That would be the awesome intro)

(By the time I got to the chorus everyone had finally jerked awake and was glaring at me)

(Except Alvin, he was singing it with me!)

(Mini-Pad For The Win!)

Rule #62-When Jeanette, Eleanor, Claire, and Brittany go nutter's over the Twilight movies, just leave the room.

(They will bite your head off)

(No pun intended)

(When New Moon came out, they bought it at midnight and watched it until six o'clock in the freaking morning)

(I was watching a Family Guy marathon with Alvin at the time)

Rule #63-Popcicles are banned from the Rez's.

(It took us thirty minuet's to get Theodore's tongue peeled off of a push pop)

(Poor little dude couldn't talk for two days)

Rule #64-Toby and Monster Energy is a horrible combination.

(Seriously, he's worse than the munks)

(It doesn't help that he's allergic to them)

Rule #65-If Alvin get's mad at you, hide your laptop.

(Apparently Simon gave him an innocent lesson in hacking)

(Hacking as in crashing your entire Hard Drive)

Rule #66-Sock skating is no longer aloud.

(Even though it is perfect for doing Michael Jackson moves)

(I ended up under a coffee table)

(Toby hit his head on the counter)

(We both got grounded)

Rule #67-Bungee jumping is not prohibited.

(Alvin took one of my elastic headbands and tied it to the shingles of the roof)

(He didn't exactly think it through...)

(The munk ended up about fourty feet in the air when the headband back fired)

(I've never heard Dave scream so loud and so high pitched)

(Alvin ended up landing in a tree)

(Dave ran over to him and demanded me to climb the tree and get him down)

(When I got down he shook Alvin and said, "Alvin, how many fingers am I holding up?")

(Alvin's reply: "November...?")

(Dave fainted)

Rule #68-Christmas lights are to be at the legal limit.

(Theodore and Eleanor went a little overboard)

("Hey, Dave! Mars called! They asked us to cut the lights off because their citizen's think that we're trying to shoot at them!")

Rule #69-And while we're on the subject of lights, don't let Simon and Jeanette mess with the concert lights.

(Unfortunetly, the manager complained about the lights not being bright enough)

(So, Jeanette and Simon mixed up the filters and settings a little)

(Long story short, that misadventure ended in a tiiiiny explosion)

(We bailed)

Rule #70-Don't let Eleanor get the mail.

(She'll sing The Mail Song from Blues Clues)

_("Here's the mail, it never fails. It makes me wanna wag my tail. When it comes I wanna wail-MAAAAAAAAAAAIL!")_

_(Nose Bleed)_

Rule #71-Don't let an exterminator anywhere near the Rez's.

(Hello, they're chipmunks! Chipmunks=Rodent!)

(Dave will hunt you down, not even kidding!)

Rule #72-Always keep Jeanette's night light on.

(She's secretly terrified of the dark)

(Simon and I are the only ones who know xP)

(If the night light goes out and she sleep's in your bed, you will not get any sleep)

("Did you here that? What about that? Padamay, I saw something! No, I swear I did! How could you not here that? You're crazy, I clearly heard-Oh my gosh, did you see that? Yes you did, you just don't want to get up and see what it was!)

Rule 73-We Seville's are no longer allowed writing self-help books. (Guidelines are the exception! XD)

_(Things I've learned from Women Who Dumped Me)_

(Tobester)

_(How to Lose a Fight with Style)_

(Dave)

_(Driving with a Seville: Get in, Sit down, strap up, and shut up)_

(Me, buahaha)

Rule #74-Warn the chipmunks and chipettes before you sneeze.

(Dave, I'm lookin' at you!)

(He once sneezed out of out of nowhere, and it was so loud that when he was done the chipmunks and chipettes were clinging to the ceiling with wide eyes)

(Now every time someone yawn's or sighs, they scream and run out of the room)

Rule #75-Alvin, stop making fun of Toby's secret Miley Cyrus obsession!

(THAT'S MY JOB!)

Rule #76-Don't let the munks watch any cartoons with annoying theme songs. That includes the following:

The Batman Theme

(Alvin now sings the Batman theme every time he's in a car)

_(Na na na na na na na na-BATMAN!)_

(My Ferrari is now The Munk Mobile!)

The Addams Family

(I actually started snapping the theme on live TV when the munks were doing an interview and the reporter asked, "What is the first song that comes to your head when you think of your family?)

_(Da, da, da, da)_

_(Snap! Snap!)_

(Theodore was Cousin It for Halloween!)

(Kind of creepy, but at the same time so freaking cuuuute!)

The Ghostbusters Theme

(Toby once picked up the phone and I asked, "Who you gonna call?" then from somewhere in the house, Brittany shouted, "GHOSTBUSTERS!")

The Mission Impossible Theme

(Toby and I now use it when sneaking the chipmunks and chipettes around rabid fangirls)

The Pink Panther Theme

(It's now Alvin's Stalking-Brittany music)

The James Bond Theme

(Aka-The Tobester's Theme)

Rule #77-Always bring an extra pair of shoes when munk-sitting Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.

(My aim is getting better every day!)

Rule #78-_(Sigh) _Okay, Dave wanted me to add this rule: Evil laughter is now banned from the Rez's.

(We're really starting to creep Claire out with the _muahaha-ing.)_

Rule #79-No one is allowed to sing the song, "Shed a Tear" when Toby is around.

(He started crying when we were watching Bambi and the mom died)

(See most people would say, "Aw!" and think it was so sweet to see a guy with feelings, but Alvin and I beg to differ)

(So when Toby walked in the kitchen the other day, Alvin and I started singing)

_("With you right here, Imma shed a tear and...cry-y-y-y-y-y!")_

_("Don't be afraid to cry! You can still be a manly guy!")_

_("Just cry-y-y-y-y-y!")_

_("Don't be afraid to cry! Let it free fall from your eyes!")_

(Me and the munk are now grounded)

(Grr...)

Rule #80-Whenever you have a headache, stomachache, or just a plain out ache, DON'T go to Dave. Wait for Simon to find you something.

("Hey Dave, I'm not feeling to good. Do have an Advil or something?")

("Hmm, lemme see...oh, yeah! Here's something!")

("What's the label say?")

_("Warning: Do not take this medication with any form of alcohol, energy drink, or another other type of liquid (Tea, juice, plain water). You should not operate heavy machinery, which includes breathing and blinking. Do not take this medication if you are pregnant, may become pregnant, or plan on becoming pregnant in the next eleven years or so. Side effects may include: nausea, lower back pain, weight gain, weight loss, itchy chafing clothing, ringworm, the shanks, scoliosis, loss of bladder control, warped floors, hunchback, heart attack, feline leukemia, head lice, athlete's foot, fleas, sleeplessness, drowsiness, seizures, fever, vomiting, more vomiting, hallucinations, poor gas mileage, split ends, warts, lazy eye, unibrow, chest pains, and the belief that you are a pink mouse that sings, "I want to be a funky chicken!" every three to five minutes. _Alrighty Pad, one or two tablets?")

(O.O'=my face)

("Erm...on second thought, Uncle Dave, I think I'll just stick with the headache...")

**888**

**Think Jaxon has what it takes to write the next set of rules? Lemme know in a review!**

**Suggestions are always welcomed! ^^)**


	5. Puppies and Starbucks!

_**What up world? I'm Slim Chin, 'Beast from the Far East!'**_

**No, just kidding x) **

**Jaxon's writing this set of rules! Hope you likes!**

**BY THE WAY!**** Alice Seville is Toby and Padamay's mother.**

**And another thing!**** If you want to see how I picture my characters, check my profile!**

**Alrighty, enough of my babbling.**

**Thankies to shortnsweet615 for betaing!**

_**I'm Slim Chin, and I'm out! :D**_

**I do not own Alvin and the Chipmunks**

**(Rules 80-100)**

Jaxon knocked his fist against the door of the Chipette residence before he glanced up at the sky. The sun had just set and the sky exploded in hues of magenta, violet, and tangerine. Streetlights began to flicker on one by one as the door opened.

The teen jumped and jerked his gaze forward. Padamay stood in the doorway, huffing and panting for breath as she blinked questionably at him. She held a hair brush in one hand while mascara rested in the other. Her hair seemed to be half way up in a pony tail and half up in a braid.

"Jax?" Padamay said in a high, hurried voice. "Wha-what are you-"

"You told me to come over," Jaxon said patiently, confusion covering his face. "What's going on? Why do you sound like you were just chased by rabid komodo dragons?" He glanced over Padamay's shoulder. All three chipettes were zipping across the living room with abnormal speed as Alice shrilled out a demand for Toby to find her keys while the woman smeared lipstick over her mouth. Toby then dashed through the room, screaming high when he tripped over the leg of the coffee table.

Jaxon looked back to Padamay. "Did Brittany gas your house with hairspray again?" Padamay breathed a laugh as she stepped aside. Jaxon walked into the home, smartly stepping into a corner to get out of everyone's way.

"We're running late for the concert downtown," Padamay explained. "The munks and Dave left a few minutes ago." She growled softly with narrowed eyes. "If I don't get the chipettes on stage in two hours I'll probably get an ear full and by the end of the night I'll be in a youth detention center."

Jaxon gave her a crooked grin. "Man, you're hotter than a chili pepper when you're mad."

Padamay rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Peters. Stop getting pick up lines from the Tobester and the Alvinater." She patted his cheek with a smug expression. "Anyways, I need you to stay here with Yoshi. He's sick and has to have vaccinations every two hours, and we won't be home until tomorrow."

Jaxon looked over to the couch. The normally crazy energetic puppy was curled up on a large cushion, his eyes droopy and his expression miserable. The Border collie gave a quiet whine when Alice screamed for her keys again.

"Sure, I'll do it," Jaxon said with a nod. "Your mom okay with it?"

"Yeppers," Padamay said. She grabbed her ruby headset from the loveseat and snapped it around her neck. "Just try to make him happy. Jeanette thinks he's suicidal."

Jaxon tried to hide his laugh. "Okay."

Padamay punched him in the shoulder with a light scowl before opening the door. "Okay chickas, let's go, let's go!" she called. All three sisters dashed out the door and into Padamay's Ferrari without a second glance at Jaxon.

"Well, I feel loved," he muttered.

Toby, who had put his silver headset on, tripped over his laces as he ran pass Jaxon, then skipped down the steps in an attempt to catch himself.

"Smooth." Padamay commented.

Alice was the next to dash by. "Oh, Jaxon!" she exclaimed in a high voice. "Thanks so much for missing stage crew to watch Yoshi. It's such a pain to remember to shoot the little fellow up every two hours."

Jaxon smothered his laugh and nodded. "Yes ma'am."

The woman jogged outside. Jaxon turned to Padamay. "So are there any rules I should remem-"

He cut himself off when he saw Padamay's horrified expression.

"Oh _CRAP!"_ she screamed, causing Jaxon to jump back. Padamay looked at him with a frantic expression. "You're gonna have to write the next set of rules."

Jaxon's eyes went wide. "Wait, babe, I can't-"

"It's easy!" Padamay hopped over the back of the couch and grabbed her Ninja Turtle drawstring bag. She flipped it over her head and wounded it around her shoulders as she jogged to the door. "Just write down stuff you have to remember not to do, or always do, when you're around the munks and chipettes. It's a piece of cake."

"No, not really," Jaxon said. "It's more like a piece of crappy carrot-cake that's been in the freezer for a whole dang month."

Padamay laughed, nodding over at Yoshi as she grabbed her keys from the key rack beside the door. "Maybe Yoshi can help you," she said. "After all, Border collies are the smartest breed of dog there is."

"Ha, yeah whatever."

Padamay smiled sweetly. "I'll bring you some Starbucks if you do twenty of them."

Jaxon's eyes narrowed. "Venti?"

"Of course!" Padamay sang as she walked out the door.

The blond haired teen blinked at the door a few times as an awkward silence filled the room. Jaxon glanced over at Yoshi, who arched an eye ridge at him.

"Right," Jaxon sighed, nodding slightly. He walked over to the couch and sat beside the Border collie. He picked up Padamay's laptop from the other side of the puppy and crossed his feet over the coffee table.

"Alright, Yosh," Jaxon said. "Let's write some rules." The teen pumped his fist to the air. "For Starbucks!"

**888**

**Rules 80-100 by Jaxon Peters**

Rule #80-Like Padamay and Dave had already told you, always be aware of Simon and Jeanette's experiments. If they say the following, run like you're in the middle of the zombie apocalypse.

("Was I supposed to pull the red wire?")

("Holy-!" _BOOOOM!)_

("Do not panic, do not panic, donotpanic, donotpanicdonotpanic, _DO NOT PANIC!")_

("DUCK!")

("We might have made a _tiny _miscalculation...") ("Tiny as in dat-da-dah, we're dead?") ("...No comment.")

("Chances of survival are dwindling into single-digits now...")

("WE'RE OKAY!" _KA-BLAM! _"LESS OKAY!")

("BUAHAHAHA! IT'S ALIIIIIIVE!")

Rule #81-Don't let Alice or Dave have ANY type of alcohol, even on special occasions.

(This includes Bahama Mamas, Daiquiri's, Margaritas, and ESPECIALLY Tequila)

(Padamay and Toby even made up a rhyme to remind their mother of those horribly embarrassing but quite hilarious alcohol experiences)

("One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor!")

Rule #82-Talk like Yoda, you should not.

(A pimp-slap to the head, you shall receive)

Rule #83-Don't ask Simon and Jeanette to turn you into a Bommer Zombie from the game Left for Dead.

(They will say no)

(Padamay asked them to build her a light saber)

(Again with the no)

Rule #84-Try not to give Brittany too much sugar.

(After she had three Kit-Kat's she ran around the neighborhood yelling, "I'M A GOOFY GOOBER!")

Rule #85-No Twister.

(My neck, shoulders, elbows, hands, fingers, torso, legs, knees, feet, and toes still hurt)

Rule #86-Alvin, please stop saying that Ian looks like Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movies.

(Criminals have feelings too!)

(Well...maybe not, but still!)

Rule #87-Don't let Alvin ride on your Buell.

(I got pulled over because there was a munk laughing wildly on the top of my helmet)

Rule #88-When Alice is mopping and sighs dreamily then says, "That's the power of Pine-Sol, baby." just smile and nod, then back away slowly.

Rule #89-Hide the Nutcrackers from Theodore.

(He's terrified of them)

(And so am I)

Rule #90-The following songs should never be sung at the Rez's:

The Llama Song

_("Here's a llama, there's a llama, and another little llama. Fuzzy llama, funny llama, llama, llama, duck!")_

(Dave got a headache from trying to figure out where the duck came from)

Bad to the Bone

(When Toby bought his Mustang, he pulled up into the driveway blasting this song)

(The song is banned because Padamay was laughing so hard she fell down the porch steps and broke her wrist)

(And she was still laughing her butt off all the way to the Emergency Room)

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

_("Do the Peanut Butter Jelly with a baseball bat!")_

_("Now whey you at? Whey you at? Whey you at? Now dey you go! Dey you go! Dey you go! Dey you go!")_

(I'm so being a banana for Halloween)

Barbie Girl

(Do I really need to include with a caption with this one?)

The Gummy Bear Song

_("Oh I'm a gummy bear, yes I'm a gummy bear, oh I'm a yummy, tummy, funny, lucky gummy bear!")_

(Are you surprised that Eleanor and Theodore love that song?)

Move It

(You know, the one from Madagascar?)

_(I like to move it, move it! You like to...MOVE IT!")_

(That's pretty much the only part of the song I can understand)

(Alvin begged the munks manager to let them sing that at a concert)

(He even said he would dye his fur black and white and wear yellow contacts)

Kung Fu Fighting

(Dave banned it when he saw me and Padamay trying to be ninja's on his roof while singing the song)

_(Pout)_

Rule #91-Don't quote Jimmy Neutron.

"Sometimes it's a burden to be such a genius." / I know what you mean. That's why I decided early on to sabotage my highly scientific brain with cartoons and sugar."

(Wow, Alvin. Just wow.)

"You look like a couple of intelligent young men." / "Na, it's just the glasses."

(Great honesty, Simon)

"Nice duds, dude. You lose a bet?"

(Alvin said that when he saw Toby in his Geek Squad uniform)

"Whatcha doing?" / "Well, after we hang up I'll be getting an unlisted number."

(Harsh, Padamay!)

"Okay. All you have to do is press the buttons-" / "Got it!" / "I'm not done. Press the buttons one at a time-" / "Got it!" / "I'm not done! Press the buttons one at a time when they light up!" / "..." / "I'm done." / "Got it!"

(Jeanette and Brittany when Jeanette tried explaining one of her inventions)

Rule #92-No more Frisbee's for Toby.

(He and I were throwing a Frisbee in the yard (don't ask) and this lady was jogging by the house, and...)

(Well, jogging as in the slow-mo jogging scene from the movie Click)

(I threw the Frisbee and Toby was kind of out of it, and-)

("TOBY, FRISBEE!")

("Wha-?" _WHAM!)_

(...I think I now realize why Toby doesn't like me so much)

Rule #93-Always make sure Padamay gets paid for stage duty. Or else she will reply like this:

"That manager is a cheap, lieing, rotten, low life, snake licking, dirt eating, inbread, over stuffed, ignorant, blood sucking, dog kissing, brainless, hopeless, useless-"

_(Three hours later)_

"Heartless, fat, bug eyed, still legged, good for nothing JERK!"

Rule #94-You might be surprised to hear this, but you should always take girl advice from Dave.

"There are three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: 'Hold my purse.'"

"As a man in love, you have two ways to live your life. You can be right, or you can be happy."

"Don't be the guy who looks at another girl and sleeps on the couch for the next two years."

Rule #95-When wanting to buy that special someone in your life a gift, don't go to Brittany.

(You don't have the money for whatever she picks out)

(Seriously, you won't even have enough cash for the tax)

(I was going to get Padamay something for Christmas, so Brittany went to the mall with me)

(She picked out a ring with a rock in it that put the Pink Panther Diamond to shame)

(And yes, the gem in the store was pink)

(I know, shocker!)

Rule #96-'That's what she said' jokes are banned.

(Dave's trying to keep Theodore's mind as innocent as he can)

(I once said one of the jokes and Dave chased me around the yard with a loaded Nerf gun for two hours)

(While my _lovely _girlfriend laughed herself into unconsciousness)

Rule #97-Leeks are no longer prohibited.

(That would be my girlfriend's weapon of choice)

(Mine was throwing oranges)

(Padamay stabbed both of my eyes at once with one)

(She's an undercover ninja, I just know it!)

(I mean what normal civilian could have the skill to aim a leek so well it pokes you hard enough to blind you for six hours?)

(Think about it!)

Rule #98-Glow in the dark paint should not be used.

(Brittany went into Toby's wall and painted 'Now you see me!' in glow in the dark paint, then beside it she wrote in normal paint, 'Now you don't!')

(Toby is now under-going therapy for message paranoia)

Rule #99-Always beware of Eleanor and the stove.

(Don't get me wrong, she can pwn anything she cooks)

(It's just that...well, Ellie is a little forgetful)

(Yeah...tiiiiny house fire)

Rule #100-When in the middle of an Alvin and Brittany fight, remember the golden rule: Stay out of the way.

(Got a nasty scar for not remembering this rule)

**888**

**Woah. One-hundred rules/random acts of randomness.**

_**Buahahahahaha! **_**x)**

**So who thinks I should continue this?**


	6. PADAMAY POUNCE!

_**HAPPY MUNKING NEW YEAR! xD**_

**And now for some pimping xP I posted a little one-shot about Simon finding some blackmail gold to use against Alvin! It's called **_**Alvin's Top Ten Pick Up Lines. **_

**Thanks to my awesome beta, shortnsweet0615. She's made checking my email's a joy instead of a chore:)**

**Hope you guys have an awesome new year! You deserve it! x]**

**I do not own Alvin and the Chpimunks**

**(Rules #100-120)**

Toby sighed heavily as he harshly glared at his sister's paint splattered door. He shook his head, sickened with himself. This was such a low. Lowest of all lows. Core of the Earth low.

He could hear the booming and blasting of gun's from the other side of the door. Toby idly wondered which of his game's his sister had stolen from his room. Dead Space, maybe?

"Zombie _SLICE!" _Alvin screamed, followed by a wet, ripping sound.

Toby winced. Left 4 Dead.

The hazel eyed Seville shakily exheld as he hesitently raised his fist once more. His hand moved at matrix speed as his knuckles brushed against the door. But his last bit of ego tugged his fist down once more.

Toby sagged his shoulders, thudding his head against the door with a groan. He could not _believe _he was doing this. Since when did The Tobester need help with chicks?

This hurt more than going to his mother. Sure, Mumzie was great at comforting him over a box of Blue Bell and diet Mountain Dew, but she just wasn't that fantastic at telling him what he was doing wrong. And he could always, always count on Padamay for telling him what he was doing wrong.

He could practically feel the love radiating through the door.

Toby inheld deeply, puffing out his chest and locking his jaw. He twisted the door knob open and walked into Padamay's room.

His sister and one of his chipmunk cousin's were pounding away on game controllers as a hoard of zombies attacked their game characters. Alvin slammed his fists on the buttons, jabbing at themwith his claws, which caused his player to blast his gun as it exploaded out shining bullet's.

"Boomer, boomer!" Padamay exclaimed before shooting at the tallest, fattest zombie. She missed, and the screen was suddenly covered in green goo.

"Ugh, dude he puked on me!" Padamay said with a scrunched up face.

Toby cleared his throat the loudest he could over the game. He rocked back and forth on his heels as Padamay rolled her gaze over her shoulder, still bashing at buttons.

"Sup, Tobe?" she called. Toby opened his mouth to reply, but jerked back in suprise when Padamay laughed triumphantly as Alvin threw a grenade.

Toby waited patiently for Padamay's cackle's to die down. He then yelled, "Pad-"

"Uh-huh, sound's neat Tobe!" Padamay called over an exploading pipe bomb.

Toby growled, rolling his eyes upward. _Why, why me? _"Padamay, I need to talk to you!" he yelled. When he only recieved silence, he added a shaky, quiet little, "...Please?"

The game instantly paused with the picture of zombies running, exploading, and screaming frozen on the screen.

Padamay and Alvin slowly turned. "Did...did you just say..._please?"_

Toby gave a large roll of his eyes. Padamay blinked, now stammering herself. "Ah...yeah, okay. Alvin, shoo."

Alvin gave her a look, his golden eyes flashing. He grumbled as he scampered out of the room. As Toby reached for the knob, Alvin turned around, waving his arms frantically, yelling, "Wait, save my game!"

Toby pushed the door shut. Padamay snickered and gestured for her brother to sit in the bean-bag chair across from her. Toby flopped down, huffing. Padamay reached over to her mini-fridge and pulled out a cupcake with white icing and multicolored sprinkles. She held it out to Toby.

Toby blinked slowly, arching a brow.

"Cupcake's make everything better," she said innocently.

Toby cracked a grin and took the suger-coated treat. He nibbled on the edges as Padamay asked, "So, you want me to go talk to Julie?" Toby paused his nibbling. "How did you...?" Padamay smirked with an exuberant shrug. "I just know."

Toby stared at the cupcake for a moment before he gave a dry, loud sob included with a wail. Padamay crooked her head. "She's just so _hot!"_ Toby groaned, ripping the translucent paper from the bottem half of the cupcake. "And she's so bad! She can take out twenty rabid fangirl's like...like..." He snapped his fingers rapidly. "I mean, have you seen her?" he asked with wide eyes.

Padamay sighed. "Toby, she works the concerts with us. Yes, I've seen her."

Toby sighed dreamily, gazing up at the ceiling. "She's the girl I've evermet who could make that big, boxy headset look sexy."

Padamay rolled her eyes with a grin. "You want me to talk to her, Toby?"

Toby perked up. "Would you?"

Padamay shrugged with a nod.

"Can you do it without showing her my baby pictures?" he asked in a high, excited voice.

"Um, I think I can, yeah."

Toby pumped his fist to the air. "Yes!" Padamay smirked slowly and stood. Toby's hazel eyes narrowed. "Wait, what's the hunch?"

"Oh, nothing much," Padamay said. She walked over the the far side of the room and scanned over the chipette's hammocks. She grabbed her keys from the inside of the hot pink swinging bed-Brittany's. The teen growled and muttered something about revenge before she replied to Toby.

"Just write the next set of rules for me," Padamay said, opening her door. "Oh, and fight off that hoard of zombies." She nodded to the TV.

"Where are you going?"

"To Starbucks, to get you a date with Miss Ortega," Padamay said in a voice that was far too high pitched to be real. Toby was too happy to notice it.

"You have a deal," Toby said around a mouth full of cupcake.

Padamay smiled with a wink, then left.

A few minutes later, Alvin walked back into the room. Toby glanced over at him, finishing off the cupcake.

Alvin froze, his eyes widening. His claw's slowly retracted.

"Why are you eating my cupcake?" the munk asked in an animalistic growl.

Toby blinked slowly.

"Toby...why...do you have...my..._**CUPCAKE**__?"_

Toby gulped as Alvin crawled forward. "Crap, crap, crap," he whispered, backing into the wall. "A-Alvin, i-it's okay-"

Alvin charged. Toby whimpered.

Through the shashing of claws and angry Alvin hisses, Toby found the strength to yell, _"PADAMAY!"_

He could pratically hear his sister's cackling in his ears.

**Rules #100-120 by Toby Seville**

Rule #100-When the fast-talking commercial man says, _"Don't try it at home!" _then Alvin, don't try it at home!

(Do I really need to add the caption about the shopping cart incident?)

Rule #101-This rule is for the fellow bro's out there. We know our little sister's go a little nutter's for a few days every month. This is the time where you should do the following:

Be cautious.

(When chick's are in this horrible state, they're deadlier than Witch zombies from Left 4 Dead. So stay as far away as possible, stay quiet, keep harsh lighting out of their sight, and do NOT startle them.)

If you fail to do the above and your sister charges at you like a rabid lemur, then do the following before she can body slam herself through your door:

(Lock yourself in your room)

(Electrify your door)

(Put barbed wire around your bed)

(Dim the lights in your room, it makes targeting you much more difficult)

(Get weapons! I would recommend Nerf guns over water guns. Cold water just makes them angrier)

(Finally, buy a gas-mask and a map to New Guinea, just to be safe)

(And before people start to think I don't love my sister, think again. We're inseparable. It usually takes four or five people to tear us apart xD)

Rule #102-Don't watch any of theToy Story movies at the Munk Rez.

(Theodore still can't stand to be in the same room as any of his stuffed animals)

(Neither can I)

Rule #103-No more video games for Simon.

(Because The Tobester shall never be beaten!)

("Bua..hahaha...hahahahaha...HAHAHAHAHA!")

("Toby, what are you doing in there?")

("N-Nothing Mumzie!")

("Did you burst into random evil laughter _again?")_

("...Maybe!")

Rule #104-Whenever you have the sudden urge to sing, "Don't Stop Believing" at the top of your lungs, don't.

(I warn you once more my young Padawans, beware of Padamay's camera!)

(And Alvin's!)

(Freaking dave got him a Flip camera for Christmas)

_(Napoleon Dynamite voice:_ "GOSH!")

Rule #105-Press and Paparazzi, if Brittany sings the following, you'd better pack up your Kodak's and start hauling.

_("I act like a nut, so they call me Macadamia, I dance like a cluts on a show called Animania.")_

_("Am I a cutie? Absolutely.")_

_("And a beauty, you can bet your petuty.")_

(This is where the claws come out)

_("But if you touch me. or even get near me, I'll have you arrested, do you hear me?")_

Rule #106-Jeanette get's a little moody when she's sick, so when she gets the flu, don't ask her this:

("Do you want something to make you feel better, Jean?")

("Oh, I'll tell you what you want! I want wrestlers, cut-throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperatos, mugs, bugs, fugs, nit-wits, half-wits, half-wits, dim-wits, vipers, snipers, con-men, indigenous bandits, muggers, buggers, bushwacers, horn-swagglers, horse thieves, bull fighters, train robbers, bank robbers-"

("Um...okay, well I don't have any of those. But I've got some Advil!")

_(Jeanette glares)_

Rule #107-If you get the hiccups, don't go to Padamay.

(She will go to great extremes to scare them out of you)

(For example, if yougo to get a glass of water for said hiccups, when you turn on the kitchen light you will see her crouched on top of the fridge. She will then scream, "PADAMAY POUNCE!" and jump on you)

(Sure, it stops the hiccups, but still)

Rule #108-In the chipmunk/chipette homes, it is essental that you name your vehicle.

(Padamay's Ferrari is The Munk Mobile)

(My Mustang is The Tobester)

(Dave and Claire's minivan is The Swagger Wagon)

(Alvin came up with the last one)

Rule #110-If you plan on insulting Brittany, make sure you are out of claw range.

(This rule is the total essence of survival)

Rule #111-Don't ask Simon to change your car into a Transformer.

(Honestly, I think having Optimus Prime on stage duty would be much help in the war against the fan girls)

(Padamay wants Bumblebee)

(Our mom wanted Megatron)

(O.O')

Rule #112-When Padamay is talking, LISTEN. She will resort to drastic measures if you don't pay attention to what she is saying.

("Yeah, and then I said...Toby, are you listening to me?")

("Huh?")

("Hmm. Well, anyway, I said that, and then the building caught on fire, then I ate and entire salami-")

("Uh-huh, that's great...")

(And Dave is pregnat with Ian's kid-")

(Simon sprayed coffee across the living room)

(Claire giggled)

(Eleanor looked confused)

(Jaxon gagged)

(Jeanette sighed and rolled her eyes)

(Mom hit Padamay with a rolled up newspaper)

(Dave looked insulted)

(Theodore looked scared and scarred)

(Brittany blinked slowly)

(I've never heard Alvin laugh so hard)

Rule #112-Like Dave has already said, beware of pranks at the Rez's.

(He forgot to tell you that the munks can get into the walls)

(And under the floorboards)

(And in the ceilings)

(So, when you hear a voice from absolute thin air whisper, "Geeeet...OUUUUT!" simply say, "Alvin, don't think I won't go get a copy of your pick-up lines from Simon."

(You won't hear anything again, I guarantee it)

Rule #114-Do NOT honk at Dave when on the highway.

(He has horrible road rage)

("Yeah, KEEP HONKING! I'M RELOADING!")

(Bail, bail, bail)

Rule #115-No more Kool-Aid for Dave.

(Davie, you're starting to scare Theodore with your red-stained face)

Rule #116-Padamay, stop watching World's Dumbest.

(You're giving Alvin to many idea's!)

(Dave can't call poison control more than three times a year, keep that in mind!)

Rule #117-As you can tell, we Seville's are pretty random. So when we say the following, don't be alarmed. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

("I'm going to shave a Chia Pet. Who cares to join me?")

("Licking door knobs is illegal on other planets.")

("Honestly, this isn't the worst thing I've been caught doing.")

("Don't think I won't stab you. Pretty much every prison in the state has a restraining order on me, so I have nothing to lose!")

Rule #118-Don't ask Alvin "What's up?".

(The munk has a very dry sense of humor)

("The sky.")

("Gas prices.")

("My salory.")

("My annoyance with you.")

("My hate for veggies.")

("My growing want to scream and walk away from you.")

Rule #119-Never use the following excuses if you are late for stage duty:

("In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.")

("A pedestrian hit me and crawled under my car.")

("To avoid hitting the grill of the car behind me, I had to speed up and hit the car in front of me.")

Rule #120-Beware of "Silly Songs with Larry" from Veggie Tales.

(Eleanor and Theodore freaking love them, much to my torturous demise)

_("Oh, where is my hair brush? Oh, where is my hair brush? Oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh wheeeeeere...is my hair brush?")_

(Eleanor sings that song every morning)

(Drives me up the wall)

(Litterly)

(I'm like Wolverine!)

_("Everbodys got a water buffalo, yours is fast but mine is slow. Oh, where do we get them, I don't know, but everybodys got a water bufaloo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo!")_

_(Head explosion)_

**888**

**I miss Veggie Tales. Junior was my favorite x]**

**Happy New Year! **


	7. Seville Rules! Blizzard Bordem!

**Okay, this year seriously couldn't get any more awesome. I just got an entire week off of school on account of snow, and it's my birfday next week! Just thought I'd share that unnecessary information:)**

**So, a few of my reviewers (SPARK187, ChipmunksChipettes4Ever) thought it would be a good idea to have the chipmunks and chipettes write a few rules. Hope you guys like them:D Maybe I'll continue with them!**

**I do not own Alvin and the Chipmunks**

**Guidelines to the Sevilles **

"ALVIN SEVILLE! IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME BACK MY CELL PHONE THIS INSTANT, I SWEAR I WILL STUFF YOU AND SELL YOU ON EBAY!"

Neon green Converse's sprinted after clawed feet as they bolted across through the house. Claw's skidded against wooden floors as legs clothed in sky blue skinny jeans flipped over the back of a couch. Alvin threw a golden eyed glance over his shoulder as he continued to dash with the cell phone resting on his back. His signature smirk covered his face as he saw his chaser begin to huff and puff.

The chipmunk hopped onto the loveseat, then the window, and then the door frame. His hunter skidded to a stop, her sapphire eyes darting around wildly. Alvin snickered.

The chipmunk sighed heavily in a bored manner. "Come on, Padamay," Curl's bounced up like an angry serpent as the teen's gaze met Alvin's. His eyes sparkled mischievously. "Last time, it only took you two minutes to get your phone back. It's been ten." Again, Alvin sighed. He shook his head, saying, "Pretty soon Dave'll be putting you to shame."

"Oh, really?" Padamay smirked, her hands on her hips. "Will that be before or after?"

Alvin blinked. "Before or after what?"

"Before or after I turn you into road kill!"

With that said, Padamay launched herself upwards and sprang just high enough to yank the chipmunk down from the door frame. "Gotcha!" the teen said with a wide grin as her fingers wounded around Alvin's tail. She caught her phone in midair and slipped into her pocket as she sauntered around the room with a big, triumphant smile.

"Simon!" Alvin yelled, his arms waving wildly. "Stop our cannibal cousin before she devours me!"

His blue eyed brother, who was sitting on the couch, didn't take his bored-to-death gaze from the television as he spoke. "You got yourself into this, Al," he sighed, propping his chin on his fist.

"Traitor," Alvin muttered. He looked over to his youngest brother, who sat next to Simon with the same _please kill me I'm so bored _expression. Theodore shook his head before Alvin could even ask.

"Now, Seville," Padamay said, holding the munk up to her eye level as he pouted and crossed his arms. "I _could _tell Dave about you stealing my phone when he specifically told you to stop-"

_"Or," _Alvin interjected, his hands laced together in a pleading position. "We could kiss and make up?"

Padamay gagged. "Ah, no thanks. How about a compromise?"

Alvin's eyes flashed as they narrowed. Padamay smirked. Alvin sighed, defeated. "What do you want, you soul-eating teenager?"

"Double pay on stage duty."

Alvin snorted. "What? No way!"

"Double pay, munk."

"Maybe you don't know how hard it is to get that," Alvin said. "It was hard enough to get the manager to pay you period."

"Which is why I want double," Padamay firmly said.

Alvin growled. "Why can't you just beg your brother for some dough?"

"Well for one thing, he doesn't have any," Padamay said. "And another, he had to get Julie a one week anniversary gift."

"One week anniversary? Seriously?"

"Yeah, I know, he's a little too happy about going out with her," Padamay said. "So, double pay?"

Alvin sighed heavily with a nod. "Fine, but just because you're about to snap my tail off."

Padamay grinned and let go of the chipmunk. He easily landed on all fours just as the front door opened.

Dave shivered violently as he thrust open the door. "M-m-m-munk i-it's c-colder th-than m-my mot-ther-in-law's s-s-soul out-t th-there!"

Padamay arched a pierced brow. "You'd better be glad Claire Bear wasn't in here."

Dave glanced over his heavily coated shoulder. "Oh, hey Padamay," he breathed, whipping some snow from his eyes. "Thanks for watching the munks. You should probably head home now before the snow get's any worse. Unless you think you can't make it, it's pretty rough-"

"Hey, there's three flu stricken chipettes at home waiting for their medicine," Padamay cackled, flipping her hood on. "A snow storm is the _least_ of my worries." Dave shrugged and opened the door. Padamay thrusted her leg back like a bull, roaring, "I'm going in! Or out, or...ugh, whatever!" The teen then ran out the door and disappeared into the night.

Dave quickly shut the door and walked into the kitchen while stripping his soaked coat off of him. "Ugh," Theodore groaned, rolling his eyes. "I'm _so _bored!" Simon nodded. "You're telling me," he muttered. The tallest munk turned to Alvin. "Think of something to do."

"But you're the thinker," Alvin said. "Not right now I'm not. Feel free to take the role without the worry of copywrite," Simon replied.

Alvin hummed while he looked around for something that looked at least half way exciting. His eyes blinked down at a lavender device sitting on top of the coffee table. _Padamay's laptop._

Alvin grinned. He hopped onto the glass table and opened up the screen. "Uh Al, I'm not sure you should do that," Theodore warned. "What if Padamay comes back and see's you on her-"

"She's in the middle of a blizzard," Alvin said simply, rubbing the flat mouse of the computer. "She won't have any time to think about it while taking care of the chipettes, anyway," The screen came up revealing a blank page of Notepad.

The three munks moved closer and saw that the name of the Document was called _guidelines. _

"Oh, those are those rules she, Toby, Dave, and Jaxon are working on," Simon realized. Alvin nodded. "Yeah, I think Dave was supposed to write this set..."

"He can't write those rules," Theodore said. "Just look at him."

The three brothers peered into the kitchen to see their father with his arms elbow deep in a bucket of steaming water. Alvin snorted and turned back to the screen. He hummed once more, tapping his chin. "You know, some of these people may be wondering what it's like to live with these writers," he said. "I mean heck, Padamay and Toby are almost a quarter as fun as I am, so people probably wonder what it's like to live with them."

Simon arched a brow, catching on to his brother's plan. "Alvin, I don't know if we should-"

"Come on, Si," Alvin urged with a smirk. "Are we really going to make our dear ole dad use those crippled fingers to write some rules?" Simon stayed silent. "Look, we'll just write five each, just to see if people will like it, which they obviously will, but for your sake, we'll just do five each."

Simon sighed heavily, glancing into the kitchen. He winced as Dave took his ruby arms out of the boiling bucket. "Okay," the chipmunk agreed. "But just this once!"

Alvin smirked. "Of course."

**Guidelines to the Seville's by The Chipmunks**

**Rules #1-15**

**Alvin's Rules:**

Rule #1-Don't touch Dave's iPhone.

(He get's violent)

(We've lost some brave men because this rule wasn't taken seriously)

Rule #2-Just because Toby watch's Soap Opera's with Claire doesn't mean we should make fun of him.

(Wait, yes it does)

(...Never mind)

Rule #3-If you just happen to be a chipmunk, then please my furry brother's, don't try to sing Opera.

(You will bust eardrums)

(Including your own)

Rule #5-One word to fear my friends: "AAALLLLVVIIN!"

**Simon's Rules:**

Rule #6-Try to use small words around Toby.

(If you haven't noticed, he has a limited vocabulary)

(...Make that _very _limited)

(Poor guy had a headache for three days after Jeanette tried to explain how to use the washer and dryer)

Rule #7-If you value your life, don't underestimate Padamay's ninja skills.

(She may be very short, but she can go femme Hulk on just about any reporter that get's in our faces)

(About a quarter of the L.A paparazzi has a restraining order against her)

(She's now our unofficial bodyguard)

Rule #8-No more shopping cart races.

(Padamay, Toby)

(Dave)

(Yes, I know about that one time, Dave!)

(Blackmail file now full)

Rule #9-When Toby and Padamay get into an argument and Padamay chases him around the yard, don't start playing Yankey Sax music.

(Really fits the scene, sure, but you don't want to be the one she's chasing)

Rule #10-No more video games for Toby.

(Because The Smart One will never be outplayed!)

(BAUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

_(Gag)_

_(Choke)_

_(Cough)_

_(Alvin laugh's himself into a coma)_

**Theodore's Rules:**

Rule #11-Don't let Toby or Padamay near the kitchen.

(They are known for their legendary food fights)

(It doesn't help that Alvin keeps score and cheer's them on)

Rule #12-No touchie my Chocolate Bunnies.

(I'm just saying it in advance for Alvin, Padamay, Eleanor Toby, Brittany, Jeanette, Dave and Simon)

Rule #13-If Padamay and Alvin prank you, simply go to Brittany and tell her that Alvin is leaving her for Padamay.

(Price. Less.)

Rule #14-If Dave gets mad at you, just hug him.

("Theodore, I don't need hugging!")

("Yeah, yeah you do.")

(After about thrity seconds of glomping, he will forget all about your punishment)

(I have really got to start hanging out with Alvin, I'm starting to sound like him...)

Rule #15-Always remember kids: Toaster Waffles make everything better.

**888**

**You know what show I miss? Drake and Josh. Craig and Eric FTW :D**


	8. Seville Rules! Not so sweet revenge!

**...ARRRGH!**

**That was me realizing life is a total muse-blocking jerk. **

**Fo reals, guys. I'm so freaking sorry I haven't been updating. Lately life has been so exausting I'm suprised I even have time to complain about it. But I'm here now! I've got a purple haired Japanese guy in my earbuds (Seriously, Gakupo Kamui works his purple hair so good I'm suprised doves don't start flying into the room when I listen to his songs), and I've got a belly full o' Monster:)**

**By the way, totally off topic but have any of you fellow high schoolers read Romeo & Juliet yet? HO. LY. CRAPPERS. It tore me UP! I'm not sure which movie I liked better though. I loved the blue eyed Romeo in the older one, I was totally swooned over him, but the Juliet was just a little too..."Oh happy dagger!" if you get what I'm saying. Leonardo Di Caprio did pretty good in the newer one, and I LOVED that drag queen Mercutio as well:D I've been singing Young Hearts Run Free in the shower for about a week now, heh-heh-heh:p**

**And shank's to mah beta, Shannon:]**

**I do not own Alvin and the Chipmunks**

**Guidelines to the Sevilles **

**(Rules #16-30) **

**888**

Brittany's bright eyes narrowed as she hummed curiously, casually strolling about Padamay's fuzzy carpets. She drummed her fingers, arms crossed behind her back in an innocent manner. She was used to being sneaky, even vengeful, but searching for revenge where she couldn't see it was much more difficult than she had planned.

A good example was once when Toby had purposely threw her favorite glittering pink blouse in with the other clothes. She had specifically told him that the pinks did not belong with all those other colors, but he had shrugged her warnings off with an _I got this _attitude. Toby had quickly learned the rules of the laundry after she threw in his jeans with her clothes, which caused the denim to fade to a soft, plush pink. Brittany quietly snickered at the memory.

She was too busy reminiscing on her past achievements to hear the door squeak open. It wasn't until a throat was cleared that she turned, gasping in surprise. She had already prepared a cover story for being in Padamay's room, but the sight of her taller, leaner sister made her forget the need of it.

Jeanette crossed her slim arms over her chest, her indigo orbs darkening with suspicion and her glasses flashing in the puddles of sunlight leaking through the windows. Eleanor's head bobbed up behind her stiff shoulder.

"Hey, Brit!" the youngest chipette greeted cheerfully, evergreen eyes glowing with innocent happiness. "Jeanette and I are making cupcakes! The ones with the shiny sprinkles on them! Well, technically I'm making them, Jeanette's managed to burn up about half of the batch-"

"I don't think Brittany wants any cupcakes," Jeanette slowly muttered. Eleanor frowned. "What? Why would she _not _want my cupcakes? That's ridiculous."

"I think she wants something else," Jeanette smirked as Brittany glowered and glared darkly. Eleanor raised her eyebrows. "What's that?"

"Revenge," Jeanette growled mockingly.

Brittany groaned in defeat, her shoulders slacking and her arms slapping to her sides. She glared down at the fluffy rugs as Eleanor asked, "Revenge against who?"

"Padamay," Brittany hissed. Eleanor craned back in surprise while Jeanette's look of amusement grew. "She didn't give a crap about us while we were sick! She just gave us the meds and then walked off to go make kissy faces at Jaxon or pig out on Starbucks!"

Jeanette rolled her eyes with a long, exaggerated sigh. "What?" Brittany demanded, her shoulders squaring. Jeanette examined her sharply, un-needed claws, saying, "If you had been awake at all during the time you were sick," she started, her eyes fixed upon her shiny nails, "You would have realized that Padamay didn't leave our side for hours on end. The only time she left was when she almost peed herself or needed to get more meds for us. She never left our sides."

Brittany thought for a while, her cheeks darkening to a shade of shamed ruby. She self-consciously rubbed her arms and stared down at the comfortable floors once again. Jeanette gave her a reassuring smile, though she could not see it. "Don't worry; she never even knew you were planning revenge against her."

"Yeah," Eleanor said, nodding her head. "And besides, her diary isn't in here, it's in Yoshi's dog house outside."

Brittany and Jeanette slowly turned their gazes over to their youngest sibling. Eleanor blinked innocently. "What?"

Jeanette sighed once more, rubbing her temples. She then brightened, scraping her claws together in a snap and turned to Brittany. "I think I know a way to make it up to her for taking care of us."

Brittay raised her eyebrows. "How?"

Jeanette glanced over at the teen's laptop. She smirked. "Oh, you'll see."

**Guidelines to the Sevilles **

**Rules #16-30**

**Jeanette's Rules:**

Rule #16-Toby and Padamay, stop trying to see which one of you can count all of Pi.

(Toby stopped at 3.14)

(For all you fellow nerds, you know that's not much to be proud of)

(Padamay sang to the thousandth digit in Japanese)

_("San, rei, iti, si, iti, go, kyuu, ni, roku, go, san, go, hati, kyuu, siti-")_

(Toby: "AAAH! MAKE IT STOOOP! Too many numbers, TOO MANY NUMBAAAA's! You win, you win, just maaaake it STOOOOP!")

(Me: _Forehead slap_)

(Padamay: ^.^)

Rule #17-No more Soaps for Dave.

(He get's _waaay_ to into those shows)

(_"Sniffle, sniffle. _I c-c-c-can't believe S-S-S-S-Steven k-k-killed J-J-Janey a-after sh-sh-she c-caught hi-him ch-ch-cheating! Why, oh why, would he do that?")

(Alvin: "If I was caught cheating, murder wouldn't be my first move. First the apology letters, then the chocolates, then the flowers, _then _I'd go in for the kill.")

(Brittany: "Well that's reassuring...")

Rule #18-If you just happen to have the random urge to burst dramatically through one of the Seville homes, don't be afraid when you see Alice or Dave alone in the kitchen mopping floors and shaking things that should never be shaken by middle aged people.

(Apparently being home alone with a mariachi CD is an excellent stress reliever)

Rule #19-Toby whenever you lose a bet with Padamay and get stuck gardening, you'd better PICK UP THAT FREAKING RAKE when you're finished!

(Do you have _any _idea how much it hurts when you step on the teeth of a rake and the handle slams into your forehead?)

Rule #20-Plate spinning is banned from the Chipette Residence.

(Toby and Padamay, your mom only has so much priceless china)

**Brittany's Rules: **

Rule #21-Toby, stop stealing Dave's video camera to try and catch Jaxon doing something illegal.

_(After a day of following Jaxon around)_

("So, how's the Juvi Jaxon Project going?")

("Well, I followed him to the Barbie section of Wal Mart-"

("Sound's creepy already...")

("I know, that's what I thought too! Turns out he was actually getting Rocker Barbie for his little sister's birthday...")

("Oh. What else happened?")

("After dodging tens of thousands little pit-spawns in the bounce house, he watched a Jersey Shore marathon, chugged a gallon of milk, made chocolate chip cookies with his mom, called Padamay and talked for three freaking hours, then went to bed while listening to Thriller.")

("Sounds like a thrilling day.")

("Yep. Oh, and he took a shower with Old Spice body wash at seven o' three.")

("...")

("What?")

("...And you would know that _how?")_

Rule #22-Let's just get one thing clear: whenever you are having a horrible hair day, you don't go to Padamay, you go to me. I'll admit that she has skills, but come on. Who's got the most hair?

(Think about it, Frizzies)

Rule #23-No more marshmallow-eating competitions.

(Toby's choked about seven times, but he's in third place!)

(Padamay in second)

(...Dave in first)

(O.O)

Rule #24-When Toby asks you, "Guess what! Guess what!" don't say, "What, you're pregnant?"

(Toby's face was priceless)

(It didn't help that he started feeling up his belly and said, "I...I don't _think _so...")

(Padamay heard the conversation and choked on the pickle she was eating)

(Jaxon happily jumped on the opportunity to do C.P.R, but Padamay was laughing too hard for him to hold her still)

(It was a very sad day for both Toby and Jaxon)

(Padamay...not so much)

Rule #25-Never forget my young grasshoppers: Pink is your friend, not your foe.

**Eleanor's Rules:**

Rule #26-Don't be afraid of Toby's anger managing methods.

(He eats smores very messily like a three year old, drinks lemonade like it was his third day in the Sahara, screams into Yoshi's fur and screams some more because Yoshi's too lazy to growl at him, screams at the television for not showing Glee, and screams at his dirty socks for being so dirty)

(Totally normal)

Rule #27-No more auto tune for Dave.

(He was way to fascinated with it)

(He even monologued with it for three days)

(It was funny at first, but after the second day Alvin snapped and bit him on the shoulder)

(Dave shrieked very loudly, which actually sounded pretty nice with the auto tune)

Rule #28-We can never stress enough cautious with this rule: If you are paparazzi, _fear Padamay and Toby._

(Just the other day they dueled with two press newbie's and went complete Chuck Norris on them)

(They then sang Kung Fu Fighting while dancing on top of them)

(Sickeningly hilarious, but still)

Rule #29-When trying to flag a taxi, don't throw candy bars at them. And Padamay, when laughing at cops asleep in their patrol cars, don't throw donuts at them.

(I'm not even bothering with the caption; it's pretty easy to figure out)

Rule #30-Never be afraid to stuff a sad Seville with muffins.

(Seriously, don't be scared to Chubby Bunny them)

(Not only will it block out the sad sobbing, it _repents _them from crying at all!)

**888**

**^.^"...Ta-da~ **

**Yes, I know. It be HORRIBLE! Well no, strike that. I actually liked this chapter, it's just so terribly short, as you can see:/ There will be more in the next chappie though:) I'll be jumping back to regular rules for a while until I can think of some more to add for the munks/ettes:p**

**Let's just say Simon filled Jeanette in about the rules, m'kay?;)**

**Thank you so, so, so, so, so, so, soooo much for reading!**


	9. POKE!

**Author's Notes: **So, I am officially a very dedicated die-hard royal wedding fan since I am currently watching it right now at 4:29 a.m:) Prince William's coming out in about 45 minutes so I think I have enough time to finish this chapter before I start swooning:D

And I apologize if this chapter is sucky, I was writing it in a hurry ^.^

**Rules #120-140**

"COME HITHER YOU DEVIL CIHLD!"

Alvin jolted into consciousness, his eyes groggily snapping open. They flashed angrily at being awoke, narrowing as a low growl vibrated his small chest. His vision blurred with oozing multicolor of dim lighting. He blinked and in-held sharply, then turned his gaze down when he felt a small weight on his shoulder.

Brittany was molded into his side, sleeping deeply. She had both of her arms intertwining his, now asleep and prickling with numbness. But Alvin still smiled.

He ruffled the mahogany fur on her head, then whipped the sleep from his eyes to see his brothers and the other chipettes all in dead sleep, coiled up on the couches. He glanced at the TV and saw that the morning news indicated they had slept through the night and it was now breakfast time.

However, that still didn't explain the war-cry that had woke him.

As he gently pried his arm away from Brittany's death grip, the other stars began to stir and yawn as they slowly awoke. Alvin stretched, his incredibly small joints popping back into place, and hopped over the back of the couch.

Padamay and Toby were bent over the kitchen table, weapons of spatulas and spoons in hand. Padamay's hair was tossed around a chopstick, her too-big pajamas wrinkled as much as Toby's pajamas of sweatpants and a cotton shirt were. Alvin took an amused note of the Tweetie-Bird slippers he wore.

"Stop singing, Padamay!"

Toby's sister offered him a wicked grin. "_Ai ga tomaranai! Daisuki, suki, suki!" _

Toby shrieked once again, launching himself over the kitchen table as Padamay dashed _under _the table, singing, "_Kono tadanaranu ai o. Doushite tsutaeyou?"_

"What's going on in here?" Dave demanded sluggishly, stumbling tiredly into the kitchen. The eldest Seville whipped his eyes on his simple T-Shirt, blinking at his niece and nephew.

Padamay smiled brightly, throwing her hands up, spatula grasped in her fingers. "Happy birthday, Dave! Toby and I took it upon ourselves to come over and cook you breakfast this morning, you know, since you're old and all."

Dave's shoulder sagged to the floor. "Great, thanks for reminding me."

"Any time!" Padamay sang, skipping over to kiss her uncle on the cheek. "Jaxon and Julie even came over to help."

Alvin crooked his head in confusion, then turned around to see Jaxon and Julie sitting right across from him on the couch. His brothers and the chipettes, now awake, jumped and gasped.

"When did they get here?" Eleanor asked in a bewildered whisper.

Jaxon smirked openly. He was dressed in day clothes, wearing jeans and a Batman hoodie. _"Ninja skillz," _he said.

Alvin turned to Julie, who was jamming out to some song on her iPod, her black hair whipping around like no one was in the room. Alvin turned back to the sound of Padamay's singing.

"_Nattou! Nattou! Hitori de nattou! Nattou! Nattou!"_

Toby took a swing at her with his spoon. "Quit it!"

"_Never, never!"_

"What exactly is the problem with Padamay singing, Toby?" Dave yawned. "She sings those Japanese songs all the time."

"Because she's got my girlfriend," he jerked his spoon in Julie's direction. "Addicted to it."

Everyone turned to Julie, who was completely absent of the situation as she murmured the lyrics coming from her earbuds as she filed her nails, legs crossed. Everyone leaned in closer, listening.

"_Maguro tabetai. Maguro tabetai. Pichipichi osakana tabetai."_

Toby frowned. "What'd she say?"

Padamay laughed. "She said she want's tuna. _I want to eat tuna. I want to eat tuna. I want to eat fresh fish. _Its a song."

Toby stared at her, then blinked six times, very slowly. "You're kidding, right?"

"Nope!" Padamay popped her lips on the P, flipping some curls back. "Luke Megurine sings it."

Toby blinked again. "You're kidding."

Padamay rolled her sparkling eyes, snorting in response.

"Hate to break it to everyone," Claire said, now up and digging through the cabinets. "But we're out of pancake mix."

All six chipmunks and chipettes whined.

"McDonalds is open," Jaxon suggested, walking into the kitchen to place a sweet kiss against Padamay's forehead. She giggled. Toby looked away, green.

"That could work," Claire said brightly. She turned to Julie. "I think they have tuna at McDonalds, Julie!" she called.

"Bleh," Simon murmured.

Padamay pulled a gift card from her pocket and shoved it into Toby's chest, ignoring his cry of protest. "Get me a combo!" she begged.

Toby narrowed his eyes. "Only if you do the next set of you-know-whats."

She groaned. "FINE."

Her brother grinned, spinning the card through his fingers.

**Rules 121-140 by Padamay Seville**

Rule #121-Alvin, no more frat-parties at Dave's house.

(He's always putting the blame on me and Toby when Dave catches him)

(Alvin: "What? Who's the fat guy in the toga? Oh, I think it's one of Padamay's friends. He looks like he would be her friend, don't you agree, Davie?")

(Dave: "Then who's the chick with the beer goggles?")

(Alvin: "Oh, that's Toby's new girlfriend. He has to get her drunk so she'll go out with him.")

Rule #123-No more Karaoke for us Sevilles.

(We get WAY to into it)

(Dave and Alice sang _Back in Black _thirteen times)

(Toby sang _Low _by Flo Rida. You can probably imagine how hilarious that was.)

(I sang... _"I'M A GOOFY GOOBER! ROCK!")_

Rule #124-Alvin, you are NOT going to any more of Jaxon's baseball games.

("RUN, PETERS! RUN, RUN, RUUUUUUN!")

("QUIT TRYING TO STEAL THE BASE, JITTERBUG!")

("COME ON, SLOW-POKE! HIT IT!")

("SWING! SWING! I SAID SWING!")

("OH, HE HIT IT! WHAT! WHAT! WHAAAAAAAT!")

(Everyone in the stands: O.o)

(Me: _Forehead slap)_

Rule #125-No more food fights in Claire's kitchen.

(Her butcher knives aren't just for looks)

Rule #126-No more trips to the Museum.

(Alvin and Brittany pretended to be stuffed in some jungle exhibit, then they would mess with people who walked by)

(Brittany would snicker, and then when people turned around, she'd freeze again)

(Alvin would whisper, "I see you!")

(Do you know how many people probably can't be in the same room with a toy now?)

Rule #127-Simon and Jeanette, no more experimental-expierements. If that makes any since.

(Dave pulled a book off the shelf and the refrigerator opened up)

(Toby opened the mailbox and the garage door raised)

(I started my car and Dave's shower went from 80 Degrees to 120 Degrees)

Rule #128-Try to resist getting brain freeze when visiting the Rez's.

(Freaks Theodore and Eleanor out)

Rule #129-Alvin, no more poking Dave while he sleeps.

(And you wonder why he wakes up screaming at you?)

Rule #130-No more free-sample perfume bottles for Brittany.

(She litterely gassed the house)

(We slept outside for fourteen hours waiting for everything to air out)

(Toby still can't stand the smell of vanilla sugar after that little incident)

Rule #131-Keep Yoshi, my dog, out of the bathrooms for the following reasons:

He gets into my hair-dye (He was splotched with green spots for two weeks)

He will cannonball into your bath water

He eats mom's bath beads (Lavender is his favorite)

He rips up Toby's Gamer magazines (...Which I SO didn't train him to do...)

Rule #132-Toby, when your snack gets stuck in the vending machine and doesn't fall, DON'T reach up inside it and try to get it.

(His arm was stuck in there for twelve hours)

(Alvin offered to gladly gnaw his arm off)

(Instead, they decided to take the whole freaking machine apart and charge us for it)

(Gotta love public service!)

Rule #133-Simon is no longer aloud to wear contacts.

(Mainly because he can't ever get them in right and he just ends up poking himself repeatedly in the eye)

("Why won't this stupid thing go in!")

("...Simon, you're not even holding it. There's nothing in your hand.")

("What? But I had it in my hand just a second ago!")

("I'm think you're standing on it...")

("...CRAP.")

Rule #134-No more hot wings for Jaxon.

(Sorry, babe, but I will NOT be standing by you with seven gallons of water while you eat)

(We'll get you the mild ones:D)

(Alvin: "Pansy...")

Rule #135-No more bug spray for Toby.

(He's always doing ninja noises while spraying it on some poor fly)

_("Hiyah! Take this, you fiend! Kiyah! Nyahaha!")_

Rule #136-No making fun of Dave's Brittany Spears obsession.

(We still love you, Daive :3)

Rule #137-Jeanette is no longer allowed to watch the show LOST.

(Jeanette: "Smoke monster, smoke monster, smoke monster...")

(Me: "Ah, Jean? Why are you rocking back and forth in the corner like that?")

(Jeanette: "Hehehehe! Because I KNOW that smoke monster is secretly a giant clam, I just know it, everything adds up, up, up...")

(Yeah, that show'll do that kind of thing to good people)

Rule #138-Dave has banned the following pets:

Moose ("They couldn't even fit in the _backyard.")_

Ducks ("They bite!")

Baby sharks ("Yeah...no.")

Lizards ("They're too quick!")

Pigs ("Just no.")

Worms ("...You're kidding, right?")

Rule #139-No more Romeo and Juliet.

(Jaxon and I are always re-acting the opening scene with the servants)

(Him: "CAPULET!")

(Me: "MONTAGUE!")

(Toby runs into the room: "SEVILLE!")

(Jaxon and me: "...")

(Jaxon: "I don't think there was a Seville in that story...")

(Padamay: "No, but he would have easily been the first party crasher of all time.")

Rule #140-Dave, do not ever, ever, ever, ever, ever... use the word "yo" ever again.

(Me: "Hey, Dave!")

(Dave: "Yo!" :D)

(Me: O.O)

(Dave: "...What?")

(Me: "I...seriously...think...I...just...died a little...on the...inside..." _Faints_)

_(Alvin walks by. Pokes.)_

(Me: "STOP DOING THAT, YOU FURRY LITTLE NOOB!")

**Author's Notes: OH. MAH. GASH. **

**Will's in his red suit, which is _utterly _dashing, so I bid the a goodbye for now! :D**

***Slams face to TV***


	10. Spiderpig!

**Author's Notes: **Terribly sorry for the wait. I had two deaths in my family this week, so I really needed something to get my mind away from all that.

**IMPORTANT NOTICE: **I'll probably complete this story at 200 Rules. However, I'm not entirely sure, but I thought I'd give you guys the heads up.

Introducing a new character in this chappie! Tell me what you think of him, please?

So much thanks for songfire15 for being such amazing support with both real world problems and grammar problems:)

**EDIT: **I've started to actually _take _a Spanish class, therefore Jem's spanish has been corrected. ;)

**I do not own Alvin and the Chipmunks**

**(Rules 140-160)**

"Why is she acting like this?" Dave muttered quietly as he passed his nephew the syrup. Toby snorted around a mouthful of pancakes, raising his eyebrows with massive exasperation. The younger Seville dumped the thick substance onto his pile of breakfast while warily glancing over to the stove, where Padamay stiffly stood. The teen was heatedly spatula stabbing some horribly-abused Bisquick mix.

"She seemed fine last night," Dave continued softly. "What happened?"

Toby shrugged, whipping his mouth on his sleeve. "Maybe she and the BF got into a fight last night over the cellie," he chewed. "She was screaming at him like a Banshee when I went to bed."

"What was she screaming about?" Dave frowned.

Toby opened his mouth to reply, but he suddenly choked and began rapidly banging on his chest and making painful noises. Dave jerked back and blinked, unsure of what to do.

"Call Jax," Toby suggested in a rough cough. "He'll probably tell you."

Dave thought for a moment and sighed. "I guess I could try that. Jax couldn't be any worse off than this." He pulled his phone from his shirt pocket and blinked at his flashing screen.

1 Txt Message From: Alice

_Hey, Dave! Just wanted to thank you once again for watching over the Chipettes and my spawns for the weekend. This terribly boring nursing convention should be over by Sunday, so hopefully you'll still be alive by then. Thanks~Alice._

Dave snorted. The chances of being "alive" by Sunday were dwelling in the single digits at the moment.

He sighed warily as he scrolled through his contacts and punched in Jaxon's number. An unknown, yet huskily familiar voice picked up on the last ring.

"_Road Kill Cafe`," _a breathless voice drawled. _"You kill 'em, we grill 'em."_

Dave's jaw slowly went slack. "..."

"_... You still there, amigo?"_

"Um," Dave stammered, laughing nervously, "I, ah, think I have the wrong number."

Before the voice could reply, there was a loud, roaring crash in the background of the other line.

"_JAXON!" _another low pitched voice hollered from somewhere distant.

The answerer of the phone sighed shakily. _"Oh, I'm sorry," _the voice said with phony cheerfulness. _"What I meant was: you've reached the Suicide Hotline of Paul, Jem, Dakoda, and Liza Peters. Please feel free to attack our home and shoot us down like dogs to save us from this horrible world of Commando-Jaxon." _

Dave let a startled laugh escape him. "Ah, hah, I'm assuming this is the actually the Peters residence and you're one of Jaxon's siblings?"

"_One of four," _the deep voice replied with a sort of smug pride. _"I'm Jem. Second oldest, hottest, brightest, smoothest, and champion prank caller of the household. Oh, and that was Paul you just heard roaring like a mentally challenged wrestler. Apparently Jaxon just threw an egg at him." _

"Oh," Dave said, his voice high in pitch.

Jem laughed deeply. _"Anyways, Mister-What's-Ya-Name, what can I do ya for?"_

"Oh, I'm Dave Seville, Padamay's uncle," Dave quickly filled in.

Jem was quiet for a moment. _"Fo' reals?"_

"Um, yeah..."

Jem was silent, then he boomed over the line with laughter. Dave winced and held the phone away for a second._"Ha-ha, holy Ritz! Hey, Paulie! Guess who I got on the phone? DAVE SEVILLE. Yeah, ha-ha! Do what? You want me to do _what?"

Dave shook his head, his eyes wide. These were definitelyJaxon's siblings.

"_No, I'm not gonna hold him down while you punch! I'd like to keep my beautiful head _attached _thank-you-very-much. Anyways, Davie Dude, sorry for screaming' in your ear. Me and my bro's read your rules, that's how we know you."_

"Oh, well, that's great but I was wondering if-"

"_Matter of fact, me and Dakoda were juuust talking about how Padamay probably wouldn't be able to finish the next set of guidelines if she was upset about Jaxon."_

"Um, well I suppose so-"

"_And we _really _like those rules."_

Dave waited impatiently. "Yes, well, that's why I was ca-"

"_Oooh. Hey I got an idea."_

Dave sighed heavily. "What?"

"_How about_ you _write those next set of rules, and in return, Paulie and I beat some sense into Jaxon and make him apologize. We'll have them skipping off into the Sunset by this afternoon."_

Dave blinked. "You really think you can fix that?"

Jem scoffed. _"Uh, yeeeeah. My beat-ups are always affective, no matter who the victim may be."_

Dave hesitated, then glanced over to the stove, where Padamay had mercilessly slaughtered another pile of pancakes.

Dave turned his attention back to the phone. "You have a deal, Jem."

He could hear Jem's smirk. _"Excelente."_

**Rules #141-160 by Dave Seville**

Rule #141-The game "Catch the throwing knife" is forever banned from the Rez's.

(Toby and Padamay were bored one afternoon and came up with this magnificently creative idea for a death match)

(Basically, Player 1 throws a knife and player 2 tries to catch it)

(I wasn't shocked to find out the my lovely niece and nephew came up with this game-I also wasn't shocked when I heard that Toby missed and was stabbed in the eye)

(At least it was a butter knife...)

(Toby: "MAH EYE! MY BEAUTIFUL EYE! GAWOEIHNKBAAAAAAHHHH!")

(Padamay: "You SAID you have the reflexes of a ninja on speed!")

(Toby: "I was TRYING to tell you I have the reflexes of a DEAD ninja on speed! MUNK!")

(Alice: "(_Sigh.) _I'm seriously thinking about abandoning them in Wal Mart.")

(Claire: "_(Furiously scrubbing down butter knife) _I SECOND THAT IDEA!")

Rule #142-No more prank calls for Alvin. (Well, no more prank calls for ANYONE, but mainly Alvin.)

(He accidentally called the White House)

(And when he realized who he was talking to, he said, "Your dancing lizards are ready for delivery, Mr. President, Sir.")

(Do you know how hard it is to bail someone out of federal prison?)

(Me, after paying the ridiculous bail amount: "Alvin, why didn't you just hang up?")

(Alvin: "Uh, duh! Because they would have been able to trace the call! If you watched public television, you would have known that.")

(Me: "...What?" o.O)

(Simon: "So why didn't you just do the 'wrong number' thing and apologize?")

(Alvin: "Because the dancing lizards seemed better than saying sorry. Dancing lizards make everything better." :D)

(Me: "_(Turns to Alice) _Mind if I drop Alvin off at Wal Mart with Padamay and Toby?")

(Alice: "Please do.")

Rule #143-Doggie Doors are banned since they are the constant preys of Chipmunk/Chipette pranks.

(Brittany glued ours shut and Alvin rammed into it face first)

(Then he poured sour milk on the other side of the Chipette's door)

(Yeah. Jump+Slip in milk=Horrible smelling Chipette)

Rule #144- "Keyboard Dance Dance Revolution" is banned.

(A.k.a, the Chipmunk/Chipette Version of DDR)

Rule #145-Simon is no longer allowed to have laughing gas.

(Apparently it makes him blurt out some pretty interesting stuff)

_(Leaving the dentist office after Simon's wisdom teeth were removed)_

(Simon: "Dave, do you remember last year on the 7th of June when it was drizzling that morning and you over slept because you were up all night watching Repo Men and you asked me to make your coffee so you could wash your favorite brown tie with the fishing poles on it?")

(Me: "Uh..." o.o)

(Simon: "Well, I accidentally put, like, a whole stick of butter in your To Go cup with your coffee. My bad.")

(Me: "O.O")

(Simon: "Oh, and Jeanette, do you remember, like, like, four days-no, four and a HALF days ago, when I said that the chemical compounds we put in that vile of Powerade was stable?")

(Jeanette: "Um, yeah?")

(Simon: "Well, they weren't. I was just trying to impress you by pretending I knew what the Hello Kitty I was doing. They'll probably corrupt and explode in Dave's microwave in an explosion of toxic fumes at about 3:24 this afternoon.")

(Dave: "...It's 3:24 right now.")

(Simon: "Oopsie! He-he-he-he-he! :D)

(Dave: "SIMON...")

(Jeanette: "Aw, he tried to impress me with toxic fumes!" :3)

(Brittany: I will never understand the ways of nerd love.")

(Jeanette: "Your mother.")

(Brittany: "What?")

Rule #146-Padamay is no longer to be around roses.

(She had a massive allergic reaction when Jaxon gave her some after they had a bad argument)

(Pad took one sniff and her face turned into one big red dodge ball)

(Alvin: "BUAHAHAHA! Oh, MAN Jaxon, that was brilliant! I bow down to you, dude!")

(Jaxon: "You think I MEANT to send her to the E.R with an allergic reaction?")

(Alvin: "Ah hah, ahhh... Wait, it was an accident?")

(Jaxon: "DUH!")

(Alvin: "Oh. Well, maybe you should stick to chocolates. Try Kit-Kats. They're delicious."_)_

(Jaxon: "I despise you.")

(Alvin: "Get in line with all the other jealous males, sweetness.")

Rule #147: Brittany is no longer allowed to sing the song, "Another One Bites the Dust."

(She always finds some way to fit it into a conversation)

(Padamay: _"(At the dinner table) _Ugh, no more hot wings?")

(Brittany: _"And another one gone, and another one gone. Another one bites the dust!")_

(Toby: _"(Character dies in video game) _ALWIEJAJSFNOOOOOO!")

(Brittany: _"Bum. Bum. Bum. Another one bites the dust!")_

(Me: _"(At snack machine) _Well, there goes the last dollar. Hope that Klondike is good.")

(Brittany: _"Bum. Bum. Bum. Another one bites the dust!")_

(Simon: "You know Alvin, you're probably next on the Biting the Dust list.")

(Alvin: "Hah! Whatever. She'll never be able to bite my dust. This munk is un-songable.")

(Simon: "Uh... Whatever, man.")

(Alvin: "Now, where's my stash of marshmallows?")

(Brittany: _"(Walks by, eating marshmallows)"_

(Alvin: "...Oh...NO she didn't...")

(Brittany: _"Bum, (Eats marshmallow) bum, (Eats marshmallow) bum. (Eats marshmallow) Another one bites the dust!" ;D)_

(Simon: "Told you so.")

Rule #148-Tackle Football is banned.

(Julie got waaaay into it)

(Julie: _(Charges at Toby)_ "GRRRRAAAAH!")

(Jaxon: "Uh, bro, I'd start hauling if I were you...")

(Toby: _(Sighs dreamily) _"You know what, Jax?")

(Jaxon: _(Slowly moving to the side) _"Um, what?")

(Toby: "Although my girlfriend is about to pummel me into unconsciousness, she is lookin' so hot right no-OOOOOMPH!")

(Everyone: _(Grimace) _"Ooooh...")

_(Alvin touches down across the field)_

(Padamay: _(Sighs heavily) _"Well, that's lovely. I was just beat in a game of _tackle football _by a four inch tall fur ball."

(Alvin: _(Doing the Running Man)_ _"Can't touch this, ba-na-na-na!")_

Rule #149-No more "Ster" and "Ater" nicknames. Some examples:

("The Alvinater.")

("The Padster.")

("The Julinater.")

("The Tobester.")

("The Brittster.")

("The Davenater.")

("The Jaxster.")

("The Clairester.")

Rule #150-If you happen to pop in at the Chipette Rez on cleaning day, don't be scared when you see Toby feather dusting and screaming Lady GaGa's _Alejandro. _Totally normal.

(How do we know Toby has this secret fetish/obsession?)

(Alvin told me he casually waltzed into the Chipette Rez and noticed Toby pounce on the couch and throw the feather duster into the air in a dramatic fashion. Theeeeen...)

(Toby: _"I know that we are young, and I know that you may love me, but I just can't be with you like this any more... Alejandro.")_

(Alvin then recalled Toby flinging himself into the floor while using the feather duster as a make-shift microphone, singing in his best boy-in-puberty voice)

(Toby: _"DON'T CALL MY NAME, DON'T CALL MY NAME... ALEJANDRO! I'M NOT YOUR BABE, I'M NOT YOUR BABE... FERNAND-" _

(He finally noticed Alvin in the door way)

(Alvin: _(Slowly raises eye ridge)_

(Toby: "O.O")

(Alvin:"I didn't realize you were this intimate with your Swiffer, Tobe.")

(Toby: "Uh, heh, yes, well-")

(Alvin: "AND you named it. How romantic."

(Toby: "Grrr." -.-)

Rule #160-Pray that Theodore doesn't get bit by a spider ever again.

(Once he was out in the yard helping Claire with her Petunias, and he was bit by a garden spider)

(It wasn't poisonous, but it might as well have been...)

(Theodore: "Oh gah, oh gah, oh GAAAAH, THE PAIN!")

(Alvin: "Dude, it was a garden spider. GAR-DEN SPI-DER. It's not poisonous.")

(Theodore: "I see the light...! I can't go into the light! _(Gasp!) _Oh no! The light's pulling me in, oh noooo...")

(Simon: "Theodore, you're not diei-")

(Theodore: "I hear the angels! Oh, such pretty music...")

(Alvin: "Ugh. Maybe we should just kill him.")

(Simon: "I am so close to pimp slapping you. Jeanette, keep Theo busy so he doesn't go into shock or something.")

(Jeanette: "Why can't you do it?")

(Simon: "Because I'm going to go find a Black Willow to bite Alvin.")

(Alvin: "Oh, you'd LOVE that, wouldn't you?")

(Jeanette: "Um, right. Uh, what's the music sound like, Theodore?")

(Theodore: _"Na, na, na, na, Spiderpig! Spiderpig! Does what ever a spiderpig does!")_

(Jeanette: "Why am I not surprised...?")

**Author's Notes: **Shannon thought I should suggest my story _Another One Bites The Dust _in constellation with Rule #147:)

And I nearly choked on my tea while reading one of her beta notes, so I'm sharing it with you guys:p Hopefully she's okay with that lol.

This is Shannon's reaction to Jaxon throwing an egg at Paul:

_(Hahahaha funny image in my head there...hot mexican dude getting pelted by an egg HA :D)_

Bua to the ha ha ha:) That probably just confused you lot who have looked at Jaxon's photo reference on my profile. Shannon is referring to the Paul's photo reference. I sent one to her when I was writing a one-shot of Jaxon's family. THAT guy is Mexi-Sexi. ^.^


	11. Seville Rules! Proactiv Poker!

Thanks for voting, dudes! :D You asked for Chipettes and you shall receive them:)

**IMPORTANT **(ish)** ANNOUNCEMENT: **I'M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD! :D So it'll be a few weeks until the next update. Hopefully, I'll have my beta's birthday present edited by then and you guys' can read that during my absence. It's a Simon/Jeanette one-shot, but _shh _don't tell her;) I even threw in a lil' S&J for her in this chappie. Yay for rodent lovin:3

And, just to embarrass her, I shall say it again!

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANNON!**

**Wish I could get you a pair of Sokka's pants:( **

Oh yeah, I even put it in the middle, just like a cheesy birthday banner:D Bazinga, I could so rock Party City.

888

**I do not own Alvin and the Chipmunks. **

**(Seville Rules 30-50)**

888

"Are you serious."

"Dead."

"He's gone mad."

"Furiously."

"This should be a crime!"

"Jeuvenille!"

Jeanette stared at the television with perfectly round indigo eyes. Alvin flashed her a commonly used smirk as he smoldered at the camera and smoothly leaned against a plasic bottle a good four inches taller than him.

Jeanette nearly screamed. "He's on a Proactiv commercial. A _chipmunk _is on an _acne commercial." _

Simon made a disgusted noise, his baby blues still locked on the computer as he rapidly tapped on the keys. "Horrible."

Jeanette gave the munk an agonized look. "Are you seriously more entertained by online poker rather than seeing a rodent sell chemically-inriched products for the cost of an arm and a leg?"

Jeanette wouldn't have known he even acknowledged her if he hadn't mumbled, _"Sickening."_

The Chipette sighed and gave a royal roll of her eyes just as the front door opened and her pink clothed sister scampered into the living room with Toby and his equally-as-infamous sister, Padamay, on her heels.

The elder Seville wobbily held several pizza boxes in his arms while his younger sibling jammed her way into the kitchen, iPod in hand.

"Hi, Padamay," Jeanette called.

"_Drop it to the floor, make me wanna say-" _Padamay paused her singing and swiveled around, her highlighted curls (Now a _lovely _shade of acid green) bouncing. She smiled and gave the Chipette an exuberent wave. _"Hey, baby!" _

Jeanette snorted and waved back while Toby jabbed his shoe into his sister's knees and shouldered her into the kitchen. It didn't take long to hear a "_WHAM!" _and Toby's echoing cry of pain.

"Hey, Dave!" Jeanette heard Padamay's muffled greeting through the walls, her ears flicking. "Whatcha doing? Checking your Myspace?"

"...Uh-huh, yeah, sure," Dave murmured off handedly.

Jeanette frowned.

"Dude, is that online poker?" Toby asked around a mouth full of sneaked pizza.

Brittany snorted and lithely coiled, then sprang onto the armrest and uncerimoniously flopped onto her back to glare upside down at the TV.

"I hate that munk," she growled. "With the burning _passion_ of ten thousend Suns _and _two moons."

Jeanette raised an eye ridge and snorted.

"I'm serious!" Brittany fummed, pounding her fists against the couch. She flipped right side up, her eyes bright with anger. "That commercial was meant for _me," _she jabbed her thumb into her chest for emphasis. "And right when the contract was being signed, some STUPID blonde House Bunny Wannabe suggested Alvin."

"..._Who _suggested Alvin?"

Brittany sighed imaptiently, her eyes rolling in frustration. "Some rediculous Baribe doll with a fake tan worse than the chicks on Jersey Shore said that Alvin would be better for the commercial. I think she was the Producer's girlfriend, don't know, don't really care."

"I see," Jeanette raised her eye ridges higher.

"Point is," Brittany continued heatedly, "Is that the munk got my job and-and-and _life isn't fair!" _Brittany flung her head into her hands and proceeded to sob.

"Aw," Jeanette tried her best to sound sympethetic and failed miserably. Brittany glared sharply at her through her damp fingers.

Jeanette checked the wall clock and sighed, flipping off the television. As guessed, Simon seemed to not notice, and Brittany was far too busy renching sobs to really care.

"Hey, I was watching that!" Toby called from the kitchen.

"Toby, we're, like, two rooms away," Padamay stated flatly.

"I like the sound in the background," Toby said brightly. "Even if it is Jeopardy."

Eleanor scampered into the living room, her claws against the wood floor giving her away far before she could be seen. "Time for rules?" she asked, smiling a sweet little smile.

"Yep," Jeanette nodded. She flatly turned to Simon. "Si, we're gonna need the laptop now-"

"Uh-huh, totally, love you too."

Eleanor shrugged. "At least he loves you."

"Oh no," Jeanette said easily. "He was talking to the laptop, I'm sure."

"NOOOO!" Despite the walls, Dave's pained groan was clear.

"What is it? Did Rihanna deny your friend request?" Toby snorted.

"Just 'cuz she denied you-" Padamay started.

"No," Dave moaned. _"__Guitar__beast01 _beat me!"

All three Chipettes slowly turned their attention back to Simon, who was doing a rockstar slide across the coffee table while doing an interesting air guitar.

Brittany's eyes were as flat as stale water as she turned to Jeanette. "And you make fun of _me _because of _Alvin." _

Jeanette groaned and threw her head into her hands.

**Guidelines to the Sevilles **

**Rules #30-45**

**Jeanette's Rules:**

Rule #30-_Absolutely _no more Moon Walking with shopping carts in Wal Mart.

(Padamay's a beast at it, of course, but she managed to run over Alvin in the process)

(The one time Toby actually did it right, he danced _riiight _into the jewlery counter)

(He was tazered by Wal Mart security guards for "disturbing the peace")

(Eleanor: "Since when is Wal Mart ever peaceful?")

(Brittany: "And since when does Wal Mart even have security guards? _With tazers?")_

(Jeanette: "Since Toby happened.")

Rule #31-No more Napolean Dynamite!

"Lucky!" (Jaxon, after seeing Padamay's new headset)

"Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home." / "She didn't tell me anything." / "Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak!" (Padamay, trying to get Toby to return back to ol' Grandma's house)

"You know, there's like a boat-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bow staff." (I'm sure that's true, Dave)

"Did you draw her a picture?" / "Heck yes I did!" (Jem and Jaxon, back when Jaxon was desperate to go out with Padamay, so he drew her a picture...of a goldfish)

(Padamay: "I like goldfish!:D")

(Jaxon: "I was not desperate. I was... lonely.")

(Jem: "Dude, you have, like, four brothers and sisters living in a house with one bathroom. It's impossible to be lonely, believe me, I've tried.")

Rule #32-Don't try to "Txt Talk" when texting Dave.

(Jaxon: hi D r u goin 2 mnk cncrt 2nite? Mnger wnts nue cble 4 mic. Btw Al wnts u 2 brng some twnkes & pad n tb ned a MS 2 hld off fgs.

(Dave: "...")

(Claire: "What's it say?")

(Dave: "I have no idea...")

(Claire: _(Glances at phone) _"Oh, tell him that yes we're going to the concert tonight, and yes, we'll pick up an extra microphone cable. Oh, and we'll also pick up some twinkes for Alvin and a meat stick for Toby and Padamay's attack on the fangirls... are you typing it?")

(Dave: "Um, I'm on the E in the first 'yes'.")

(Claire: "...Really?")

(Dave: "You know what, I'm just gonna call...")

Rule #33-"Jumping mushrooms" is banned.

(Basically, you jump no mushrooms. That's it.)

(It's pretty funny to see Toby do it (he got stuck munk-sitting one day), but then we realized he was allergic to mushrooms)

(Alvin: _(Shoves Toby into the car and hops in the drivers seat) _"Don't worry, Toby! I've watched Talladega Nights, like, five times. I got this.")

(Toby: "K-k-k-k-kill me...")

Rule #34-Don't make fun of Toby's bad pronunciation.

(Padamay: "Hey Tobes, where did you say those Paruvian peppers are grown in? I need it for my science report.")

(Toby: _(Squinting at computer screen) _"Ah, pepper, pepper, pepper... oh, found it!")

(Padamay: "Fascinating, read it.")

(Toby: "Says here that the Paruvian pepper is found in... _South Amerika.")_

(Padamay: "...")

(Toby: "Never heard of that place before. Maybe it's Canadian!")

(Padamay: "...")

(Toby: "...What?")

(Padamay: "SOUTH. AMERICA!")

(Toby: _(Squints at the screen again) _"...Oh.")

(Padamay: "You are such a noob.")

(Toby: "...Your mom's a noob...")

(Padamay: "Yours too, Toby. Yours too.")

Rule #34-"I scream, you scream, we all scream for-"

(Padamay: "STARSCREAM!")

(A word to the wise, don't question Padamay's Transformer obsession)

Rule #35-Bursting into random song is banned.

(Suprisingly, about everyone busted at the same time)

(Toby: "I feel a song coming o-")

(Alvin: "NO!")

(Toby: "Too late!")

(Jaxon: _" 'Cause this is Thriller! HA! Thriller~!")_

(Padamay: _"Meoli bootuh balggeut ggaji hot issue!") _

(Toby: _"Ice, ice, baby!")_

(Julie: _"And I say na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, I got me a sugar daddy!")_

_(Dave: "...AAAAAAAAAAND I'M TELLING YOU! I'M NOOOOT GOIN'! YOU'RE THE BEST MAAAAAN I'VE EVER KNOOOOOOWN! THERE'S NO WAAAAY I CAN EVER GOOOOO!")_

(Everyone: "O.O")

(Jaxon: "I give it an eight.")

**Brittany's Rules:**

Rule #36-No more Super Hero Squad for our beloved stagehands.

("Alright, Squadies! HERO UP!")

(They even have copywrited catch phrases!)

(Toby: "AMERICA!")

(Captain America)

(Julie: "HULK SMASH!")

(Hulk)

(Padamay: "WEB SLING IT!")

(Spiderman)

(Jaxon: "FLAME ON!")

(Human Torch)

Rule #37-Jump Roping is banned.

(Padamay invited Jaxon and his brother, Jem, over to SEVILLE FAMILY FUN DAY!)

(Toby invited Julie, not to shockingly)

_(After jump roping for seventeen minutes straight)_

(Jem: "I t-t-t-think my heart just s-s-stopped...")

(Jaxon: "Hah, hah, hah, I've BEEN dead...")

(Toby: _(Panting like a dog, about to pass out)_ )

(Padamay: "No! Come on, Fatty! Keep jumping! KEEEEP JUMPING!")

(Toby: "Haaah, haaah, I ca... can' do it, Pa-")

(Padamay: "Yes, you can! PUSH! PUUUUSH!")

(Toby: "Puh... push? Wha'd ya mean, push?")

(Jem: She's lost to us, dudes. Ugh, moment of, ugh, silence.")

(Jaxon: "Hah, we, hah, should ask, hah, Simon if ya, hah, if ya body can melt in the, hah, hah, Sun...")

(Toby: Ha, doubt it. Julie's been, hah, at it for an hour.")

(Julie: _"Gottawin. Gottawin. Gottawinwinwin!")_

Rule #38-As it's been stated before, no more "Yo Mama" jokes.

(Toby and Padamay actually battled)

("Yo mama is so ugly, people go as her on Halloween!") [Padamay]

("Yo mama is so ugly that her shadow ran away from her!") [Toby]

("Yo mama is so ugly that yo grandma had to tie a steak around her neck so the dog would play with her!") [Padamay]

("Yo mama is so ugly that... well... look at you!") [Toby]

("Yo mama-")

("PADAMAY MICHELLE AND TOBIN MATTHEW!") [Toby and Padamay's _mama_]

_(Padamay: "Yo mama's gon' kill you!" (Runs out of the house) "BURN!")_

Rule #39-Don't mess with Padamay when she's making pancakes.

(She kind of gets into it)

_("Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, FLAP JACK!")_

Rule #40- Padamay and Toby are no longer allowed to watch Pokemon in the mornings.

_(Padamay, making eggs, points spatula at Toby) _

(Padamay: "PIKACHU! I choose you!")

_(I'm not even going to bother with Toby's Pikachu __impersonation__. I'm sure you can imagine.)_

**Eleanor's Rules:**

Rule #41-Dave is no longer allowed to give us Chipmunks and Chipettes swimming lessons.

(Dave: "Okay, guys! Now we're gonna learn how to do the breast stroke!")

(Alvin: "The WHAT?")

(Brittany: _(Groans and sinks down under the water) _)

Rule #42-Alvin and Padamay, stop making dating profiles online for Dave. (He's married now!)

_("Actractive exterminator looking for a good "catch".)_

_("Young, hot treasure waiting to be discovered.")_

(Are you surprised Dave got no matches? -.-)

Rule #43-Toby is no longer allowed to inhale hillium. Not because it makes him sound hilarious, but it somehow makes him a little, ah...festive.

(Toby: "PICKLE JUICE! HORSE SHOE! YOUR MOM! JENGA, JENGA, JENGAAAAAAH!")

(Dave: "Remind me to charge up my Flip camera next time we blow up balloons.")

(Toby: "I'M GONNA BRAID MY HAIR!")

(Padamay: "Toby, you've hair isn't long enough to-")

(Toby: "THEN I'LL BRAID YOUR HAIR! GIMMIE, GIMMIE, GIMMIE, NYAHAHAHAH!")

Rule #44- "I'm gonna sing the Doom Song! :D"

(NO, PADAMAY. No more _doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, _pleeeease.)

Rule #45-Humans (I say that because we can't do the following), do NOT squish bugs ANYWHERE near Toby.

(Seriously, give it about a five mile radius)

(Apparently all those video games gave him super senses, so he can hear you squishing the bug. Like, hear you squishing the insides, and the legs, and, yeah, bad stuff. I'm guessing it's not a very pretty sound, so, naturally, Toby flips when someone kills a bug.)

(One minute he's across the house playing F.E.A.R in his room, Padamay see's a spider in the kitchen and her converse gives it a high five)

(Next thing we know, Toby's screaming like a happy ax murderer and stumbling into the living room, where said spider is getting intimate with Padamay's shoe)

(Padamay: "What happened? Alma [creepy little dead girl] try to give you a hug?")

(Toby: "NO! Your SHOE did!")

(Padamay: "Say wha-?")

(Toby: _(Lunges at Padamay) _"ZUMBIYAJIKARIUAAAAAAH!")

(Padamay: _(Casually steps to the side and Toby collides with the kitchen table) _)

(Toby: "Oh...my...munking...guuuuh...")

(Padamay: _(Grins) _"You've just been Bazinga'd, big brother.")

**Author's Notes: **Can I get a _what-what_ for eight pages? :)

**ONE MO' THING****: Set up a fresh poll for you guys. And take note! Padamay's name is spelled**** "Padmé" because, well, that's how it's actually spelled:) Back when I first created Padamay, I had no idea that was the wrong spelling, so I'll probably start spelling her name like that, IF I can find out how to put that little symbol thingy on top of the E:/ So, yeah. Yay for spelling! **


	12. Those Darn Sevilles!

**Author's Notes: **Three months without an update? What the mess, Icy?

I missed this gang. Like, bunches:) Hopefully you guys missed them too, because, you know, they really like you, and, yeah, you should show them review love? Maybe? Probably? Most likey? Yeah? :D

Much thanks to you all for reviewing, faving, and alerting my stories. Seriously, you make me dance around my house blasting KPOP for days. No lie, brah. Strawberries for you all! :3

Ten thousend mugs of hot chocolate for my beta, who I have known for one year this week. She's just...awesome, really:) Met her through a review! ;D

**Guidelines to Chipmunks and Chipettes!**

**Rules #161-180**

Dave Seville walked across the kitchen with a little skip in his step as he delicately took two pieces of toast from the toaster and smeared a sheet of butter across the bread. He continued to hum in tune with the static-filled music of his radio set on low as his family slept silently in their rooms of the quiet home.

He was about to crack an egg open on the edge of a skillet just as there was an enthusiastic rapping at the window. Dave looked up across the room to see his niece standing in the lawn with her grinning face pressed into the window. Dave snorted a laugh and waved as he made his way across the tile floor and over to her. A relaxing warmth oozed through him as he opened the window and the sun's early rays touched his skin.

Padamay grinned with a strange, sugary sweetness as she greeted her uncle. "Morning, Davie!"

Dave's brows scrunched as he smiled back, a little shakily. "Hey, Pad. What're you doing up so early on a Saturday morning?" He glanced up at the clear sky. "Usually you're not up 'till the Sun goes down."

Padamay laughed and shrugged enthusiastically. "Oh, ya know, just getting a jump-start on the day..."

Dave arched his brows. "Uh-huh."

"Yep!" The teen swayed from side to side in her neon pajamas, whistling tunelessly as she inspected the white window pane. "So can I borrow your water hose?"

Dave blinked, very slowly, three times. "My water hose?"

"Yeah."

"Why do you need my water hose?"

"Oh," Padamay flapped a pale hand through the air nonchalantly, "Just for watering plants, washing auto motives, junk like that."

Dave craned back slightly in disbelief. "At seven in the morning?"

"That's right."

He watched her innocent features for a moment more, his brows creasing together until he was sure he had put a few new wrinkles in his forehead. Blinking once more, he said, "Um, yeah, sure, go ahead."

"Thankies!" His niece leaned forward to peck him on the cheek, then she dashed around to the side of the house, out of his sight.

Dave frowned with a light snort and closed the window to continue breakfast.

After his boys and his wife had awoken with the newest addition of their family of seven months, Jonah, Dave went to the sink to wash the dishes while the munks clicked on the television for Saturday morning cartoons and Claire helped Jonah with the rest of his mushed peas, urging him on with that high-pitched voice all mothers used with their babies.

Dave just happen to glance out of the stretch of glass above the sink just as Padamay came stalking up to an open window of the Chipette home. She was kneeling down, fingers twitching on the hose's trigger, and an enormous smirk was plastered on her face.

Having lived with the universe's crowned prince of pranking for years now, it didn't take long for Dave to catch on to the situation.

"Oh, munk..."

Dave may not have been able to hear Padamay's hand snap down on the trigger or hear the water blasting from the nozzle and hit a hysterically screaming Toby with the force of what probably felt like a pressure washer (given his state of sleep), but the sight alone had him shivering and lifted a hand to lay against his forehead in a defeated face-palm.

He finally gained enough courage to look back at the scene. Padamay had hit the grass _screaming_ with laughter and Toby was storming out of the house soaked to the bone with eyes set to kill. He hollered something inaudible at her and charged in her direction, stumbling over his wet sweat pants and whipping furiously at his soaked bangs splayed in his eyes. Padamay gained enough legging during her laughter to stumble into the latter-like siding of the house and scramble up the vines, missing Toby's clawing hands only by a hair.

Dave sighed heavily at the image of his niece rolling around on the roof and his nephew jumping, ripping, and shrieking into the air as his clothes unceremoniously continued to drip. He pushed open his window and when he was sure it was stuck in place, he leaned forward and yelled in a dry tone, "You couldn't have used your own water hose, Padamay?"

The teen paused her hysterics long enough to wipe at her eyes and shakily holler back, "We don't have one!"

"FOR THIS EXACT REASON!" Toby interjected heatedly, now pacing across the lawn and raking at his hair.

Now Dave let a laugh escape him, and he shook his head, not even having the decency to be surprised. "Just make sure you get on those rules when that frostbite goes away, Toby!"

His nephew roared back in reply, and Dave simply let the window fall shut, something of a warm smile covering his face.

**Rules #161-180 by Toby Seville**

Rule #161: Planking is banned.

(If you happen to be living under a rock or in the digestive system of a goldfish and you don't know what this new American pastime is, it is when you lay flat on your face in the most randomest (and sometimes hazardest) place you can think of.)

(You could do it on a McDonalds sign!)

(Or on top of your car!)

(Maybe in a pool!)

(Or MAYBE even on TOP of a GIANT BOULDER! :D)

(Doesn't that sound great, kids?)

(YE-no.)

(The reason why this..._activity _is banned is because Alvin got this oh-so-bright idea that he as...well, Alvin, should _'plank where nobody else has dared to prank!')_

(This brilliant place just happened to be inside the minivan's exhaust pipe, and Dave just happened to need some new sols for his stark white tennies on the same day.)

(Let's just say the conclusion to this story was not happy.)

(The welcome mat of the Chipmunk Home has now been changed from an albino squirrel waving 'Greetings!', to bold printed letters that read, 'YOU PLANK, YOU PERISH.')

Rule #162: No more English accents for Eleanor.

(Just guess how she greets everyone at breakfast. Just guess.)

"Ello, Govna! Care for ah muffin? 'Ow 'bout a spot 'o tea?")

(If I see another muffin ever again in my entire existence, I'm going to Narnia and super gluing the wardrobe door shut.)

Padamay: "You do realize that everything and everyone in Narnia talks with an English accent, right?")

(...There's just no way to win, is there?)

Padamay: "Use your wand, Harry Potta!"

Rule #163: Never let Jaxon play the violin in your house.

(It will be infested with bald eagles and German Shepherds within seven hours.)

Rule #164: Alvin, stop narrating your life. It will keep you away from certain death, and the certain embarrassment of others.

(At dinner)

Alvin: "I walked into the kitchen and scampered up a chair to sit on the table with my brothers. I looked with a grimace at the strange meal my new mother, Claire, had placed in front of me."

Dave: "Um..."

Alvin: "Of course, I would never act on telling her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Claire had always been full of life and energy, but lately I had became more aware of her aging. The bright exuberant eyes Dave had fallen in love with were beginning to growl dark and dull with the fatigue of a weary life-_wait, Claire, I was just kidding-!"_

_(WHAM!)_

Rule #165: Like me, Padamay also has a..._different_ ways of pronouncing words.

Try not to make fun of it.

(On the phone with Padamay while lost on a back road in Alabama, trying to find my way to the concert taking place in Atlanta)

Me: "Padamay, I swear there are no broken traffic lights or skyscrapers anywhere near me. You're gonna have to Google a more 'this side of the barn' kind of landmark. Look for an outhouse or something."

Padamay: "Bro, these directions can't get anymore pacific. Are you sure you don't see that sidewalk with the graffiti of a teddy bear and a shopping cart?"

Me: "NO! Munk, I freaking told..."

Padamay: "What? Are Cajun hippies popping out of the woods now?"

Me: "Um, no-"

Padamay: "Are you staring at a Sasquatch mating dance?"

Me: "...No..."

Padamay: "Then why'd you trail off all dramatically?"

Me: "You said 'pacific'."

Padamay: "No, I said pacific."

Me: "Padamay, it's _spa-cific._ You're saying it like...like, the ocean. Like the Atlantic and _Pacific."_

Padamay: "Okay, you've been bitten by some rabid mosquito or something, because I had no idea what you're yapping about. Seriously, just go forty yards up to the Hard Rock Cafe` and I'll call you a taxi. Buy you something nice with that ten cent allowance advance while you're at it."

Me: "No, wait, Padamay! I'm for real, there's no 'Rock' around here except gravel! Not even that!"

Padamay: "Wow, that was bad."

Me: "Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry I couldn't be more _pacific _about what the roads are made of-"

Padamay: _Click._

Me: "...Great. Now my body is going to be eaten by possessed cows and my bones will be made into Cajun hippie instruments. Sweet home Alabama, indeed." -.-

Rule #166: Keep Simon away from curtains.

(Apparently they engage his wild animal side.)

(We learned this the hard way. See, Claire's mother had just sent her some handmade curtains, and Claire Bear decided to hang those puppies up in the living room, and well...)

_(Sitting on the couch with Alvin as Simon walks into the room)_

Alvin: "I'd duck if I was half as lanky as you."

Me: "...Who are YOU calling-"

Simon: "CURTAINS! MUST CLAW!"

Me: "Er, Alvin, why is Simon-"

Alvin: _(Without looking up from the television) _"Crouching?"

Me: "And why is he-"

Alvin: "Foaming at the mouth?"

Me: "And-and-why is he-!"

Alvin: "Launching himself into the air...?"

(I tried to throw myself under the coffee table, but Simon had already hit my face with the force of a baby elephant's foot.)

(A _big, mutant _baby elephant's foot.)

Alvin: _(Snorts and changes channel to Jerry Springer) _"Told you to duck, dude."

Rule #167: Keep Dave away from the game Angry Birds.

(That game gets practically all of it's players addicted to it, but it took a _stupid _toll on Dave. He could never stop playing it, and when he did, the withdraws were...)

_(Backstage of New York concert)_

Dave: _(Rocking back and forth on his heels, murmuring about green pigs)_

Padamay: _(Runs up beside him with a night stick) _"Dave, Julie just texted me and said that Toby needs some help at the gate. Apparently the fan girls have evolved and the meat stick isn't working anymore, so she suggested I get the night stick out of her purse. Not sure why she has it, but if it works-"

Dave: "Gottashootthebox, gottashootthebox..."

Padamay: "Um, anyway, make sure Jax doesn't fall off of that pile of boxes over there by the water cooler. He's trying to find Alvin's extra cap and-"

Dave: _(Gets that deer in headlights look then grabs the nightstick...) _"PILE OF BOXES!" _(...and launches.)_

Jaxon: _(Hops out of the very top box, grinning and waving the cap) _"Hey, babe, I found it! Oh...wait, how do I get down?"

Padamay: "DUCK, you munking idiot, DUCK!"

Jaxon: _"Idiot? _That's hardly a romantic term-"

Padamay: "JAX, watch out for the-"

_(SHA-WHAM!)_

Padamay: "...Friggin' nightstick..."

Dave: _(Does victory bird calls)_

Rule #168: Try not to acknowledge the Chipmunks and Chipettes' couple names the press so lovingly gave them.

(Brilvin)

(Jimon)

(Eledore)

(Combination of all: Elebrilmovin)

Padamay: "They sound like foot fungus'..."

Jaxon: "Or a bad brand a peanut butter."

Dave: "Or a nice cologne. You know, maybe something by Clint Eastwood or like, a reincarnation of John Wayne. No?"

Padamay: "Go back to your game, Davie. Please."

Rule #169: If Simon has his iPhone out, don't talk to him. Seriously.

"I wish Friday would be here already." / "There's an app for that."

"Why don't girls like me?" / "There's an app for that."

"I wish I could play piano!" / "There's an app for that."

"I wish I had the answers to life! / "There's an app for that."

Rule #170: If you happen to go to a ghetto carnival with Jaxon and Padamay, record them the next time they go in the Tunnel of Love and Jaxon's fear of the dark kicks in.

Jaxon: "LEMME OUT, LEMME OUT! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIIIIIE!"

Padamay: "Jaxon, what the munk-"

Jaxon: "STOP TOUCHING ME. STOP TOUCHING ME!"

Padamay: "I'M NOT TOUCHING YOU!"

Jaxon: "FINGER IN MY EAR, FINGER IN MY EAR, OH MUNK, OH MUNK-"

(After that little experience, Jaxon made Padamay drive him to a church to have him bathed in holy water and then to the free clinic, where he insisted on being checked for seventeen different viruses and diseases.)

(Fun night, apparently.)

Rule #171: Don't let Alvin eat marshmallows.

Alvin: _(Chewing painfully) _"Awh, much, it stuch 'ta the...roof ah mah mouf!"

Jeanette: "Quite a statement you got there."

Simon: "Indeed."

Rule #172: Don't go with Dave through a drive-thru.

(While my uncle may be the King of the Road in any given traffic jam (or any other driving situation), Davie can't really make decisons on the spot.)

Voice Box: _"Hi and welcome to Captain D's, my name is Zachery. How may I take your order?"_

Dave: "Yeah, let me get a...lemme have a..."

_(Ten seconds later)_

Dave: "I think I'll have a..."

Voice Box: _"Sir, would you like to try our new fried pickles?"_

Me: "Oh, I like those-!"

Dave: "No, no, that's okay I'll...hmm."

Me: "...Dave, there's a pretty big line behind us-"

Dave: "_Shh!_ Okay, ah, I think I'm ready."

Voice Box: _"Alright Sir, and what will we be having today?"_

Dave: "Well, let's see...I'll have a...have a-"

Me: _(Head to dashboard)_

Rule #173: Keep yarn away from Yoshi.

(The dog will get more tangled than Rapunzel's extensions.)

Rule #174: We Seville try to keep the children of our village innocent minded and rainbow dazzled, so, if you happen to see _someone _making out with her boyfriend on the front porch of your home while you're standing on the steps and holding sacks full of viennas (that are _illegally _heavy), and you see two certain green eyed 'munks and 'ettes peeping through the window curiously, simply drop your bags, put those hands on your hips, and say on of the following:

"COOTIES!"

"I'm telling MOMMY!"

"_Padamay and Jaxon sittin' in a tree!"_

"You know you can get pregnant from that, Jaxon."

Rule #175: Alvin, telling Theodore that pulling a fire alarm will cause Recees to fall from the sky is not funny. To him.

Rule #176: Dave has exiled the family from having group interviews.

Host: "So, Alvin. Padamay and Toby are your siblings?"

Alvin: "Oh yeah, 'cause _that _alikeness is obvious..."

Simon: "Er, they're our cousins, actually."

Padamay: "I'm the pretty one." ;D

Host: "So Toby and Padamay are siblings?"

Me: "Actually, we found her in a sewer."

Host: "Ah, I can see the resemblance!"

Me: "What?"

Rule #177: Keep water guns and crickets away from Brittany.

(Last Tuesday I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of growling, hissing, and frustrated yelling.)

_(Stumbles after the noise into the kitchen and finds Brittany with a foam pellet gun and wearing a clown suit, complete with stripes and a big red nose)_

Me: "...Er, Brittany-"

Brittany: "SHH!"

Me: O.O

Brittany: _(Stalks around kitchen with gun cocked) _"Stupid crickets are keeping me awake."

Me: "...I can see why the gun would help...but why are you wearing a clown costume?"

Brittany: "Because they only chirp during awkward silences. Grab my nose real quick."

Me: "..."

Brittany: "..."

Somewhere in the distance: "_CHIRP!"_

Brittany: "DIE, MUNKERS!" _(Fires gun wildly)_

Rule #178: Alvin, stop watching Discovery Channel.

_(Pigging out on junk food after a successful concert season)_

Alvin: _(Casually inspects a potato chip) _"Did you know cockroaches can live for nine days without their heads?"

Jaxon: _(Gags, chokes, hacks, coughs)_

Padamay: _(Glares at Alvin)_

Rule #179: Bouncy Houses are banned.

(Do I really need a caption of a chipmunk bouncing forty feet into the air at illegal speeds?)

Rule #180: If you're serious about some Cha Cha Slide, then don't allow me and Padamay to join in. We will wreck it for our own enjoyment.

"_Slide to the left!"_

_(Going right)_

"_Slide to the right!"_

_(Going left)_

(REGRETING NOTHING!)

**Author's Notes: **So, I hate to officiate it, but I'm completing this story at 200 rules. I love this gang like my own circle of friends and this won't be the last time you'll see them, I promise, but updates have been sparser because honestly, after so many rules, inspiration is impossible to come by. But don't worry; this story is going out with a bang;)


	13. Epilogue: Chipwrecked!

**Epilogue: Chipwrecked**

"Mr. Cameron?"

Johnny glanced up from the old guitar in his hands, fingers stilling on the old strings. His snarkiest receptionist, Raquel, stood before his desk with a dark brow arched. Johnny laughed softly, returning to his soft strumming. "Good morning to you too, Raquel."

Raquel snorted indelicately, a hand on her suited hip as she skimmed over the delivery order on her clipboard. "No morning is good when you've gotta office full of air-headed interns, boss. We've been over this before."

Johnny smiled, shaking his head with good nature. "I thought you loved kids, Raquel."

Raquel gave an exaggerated laugh that would have startled someone if they hadn't of expected it. Raquel smiled smugly, signing the order with warm eyes. "I only like my kid, John. _Like."_

"Of course," Johnny smiled.

Raquel rolled her eyes and took her other hand from behind her back. "You gotta delivery here."

"Oh?"

"Yeah." The Latina woman dropped a book on his desk. "From a miss Padamay Seville."

Johnny's melody came to a comical stop as he strummed a note higher than the soft rhythm he had been attempting. Raquel bit back a laugh as the dark man hurriedly but gingerly placed his vintage guitar, his prized possession, back to the side of his desk, where it always stayed.

The man whipped his glasses from the collar of his shirt and threw a knee comfortably over his leg, leaning back in his chair as he inspected the shiny cover. "Oh, I have been _waitin' _for this one, Raq," he grinned. The jacket was obviously similar to the iconic Brady Bunch theme, with the characters faces, or writers, in this special case, occupying a box. Six chipmunks in skirts and hoodies were centered in the middle square.

Raquel snorted again, turning on a heel to walk across the vintage styled office. "Whatever floats your boat, boss. I got House Bunnies in suits that cost more than my house waiting down stairs. Probably ate all my freaking muffins by now."

"Mmmhmm, mmmhmm."

Raquel barked a chuckle and walked out into the frantic hallway, shutting the door behind her.

Johnny smiled and opened the book. A piece of paper fell into his lap and he crooked his head, placing the book on his desk to unfold it. The words were lanky and written in red ink. Obvious a teenager's print.

_What's crackalackin' Mr. C? We just wanted to say thanks, and that you're epic, and awesome, and completely and totally rad for helping us with publishing this darn thing. You're holding a special edition of the Guidelines, which includes our Golden Rules we could recite in our coffins. We also wanna give you about a million fist pumps for my graduation gift. Seriously, how many of my friends are gonna be able to say they went on a free cruise around the entire freaking globe? Yeah, I can't think of that many either;)_

_Thanks again!_

_Padamay_

Johnny laughed quietly, placing the letter on his desk to pick up the book again. He skimmed through the pages, looking for things he hadn't already read, then came to the last few pages. He began to read.

**The Golden Rules**

_Dedicated to Johnny Cameron. _

_Oh, and Ian Hawke, just 'cause we're butts like that._

Rule #20: _If you're a reporter and you need a munk to fill a gossip column, go to Theodore._

(Reporter: "And what do you think of her?")

(Theodore: "I heard she was born _naked.")_

Rule #19: _No more pop songs for Toby-he always gets the urge to scream them on Monday mornings._

(Toby: "But they're such great motivators!")

(Alvin: "Dude, _nothing _is motivating on a Monday.")

(Padamay: "Yeah, and no one wakes up early feeling much like P. Diddy, a plastic bag, or a G6. They feel like crashing face-first into a mattress. Can I get an Amen?")

(Alvin: _"Ayyye-men!")_

Rule #18: _Do __not__ run in the Chipmunk home._

(Jaxon learned this the hard way. Turns out Alvin decided to slick the floors with baby oil so he could attempt the Tom Cruise dance from Risky Business. He also so wonderfully didn't inform anyone about the floors slippery condition.)

(So when Jaxon flung himself in the house head first screaming about how he was driving by and Toby was outside with a flaming lawnmower, the back of his head got very intimate with the edge of the coffee table.)

(He only needed about, oh... twenty stitches?)

(Jaxon: [turns around for us to inspect the back of his newly shaved head] "How bad is it?")

(Everyone: "O.O")

(Brittany: "Kind of like you were thrown into an illegal chicken fight...")

(Claire: "Shh!")

(Padamay: [grins with a thumps up] "The back of yo head is re-dic-a-lous!" ;D)

Rule #17: _Don't ask Simon the difference between turtles and __tortoises__._

(Simon: "Excellent question, Alvin, however, the fact that you could not apprehend the obvious differences is slightly astounding. But, seeing as good deeds should be done, I will tell you. Turtles are most likely named as a reference to their order, Testudines, which is the main group of Chelonia, where creatures with cartilaginous shells are characterized. Testudines includes extinct and extant species, including the Testudindae, or tortoises. While these animals are distant cousins, the tortoise has obvious differences. For example, tortoises live in the dry temperatures of land, rather than water, where they are known to drown. Tortoises are herbivorous, while turtles can be omnivorous eaters of insects-")

(Alvin: "Kay, thanks!" ;D [speeds off])

Rule #16: _If you ever need help with a sign or poster for your product or event, go to Padamay. She did a great job with our concert posters._

(OUR CONCERTS IS AN EXPERIENCE THAT WORDS ARE UNABLE TO CONVEY.)

Rule #15: _Don't try to show Julie affection._

(Toby: "Oh, Julie, I love you!" :D)

(Julie: [doesn't even turn from her episode of Jerseyshore] "Cool story, babe. Go make me a sandwich.")

Rule #14: _Don't get on Dave's bad side._

After Alvin 'drops' Dave's phone in the washing machine:

(Alvin: "Hey Dave, I want pizza tonight.")

(Dave: _"You're dead to me.")_

(Alvin: "O.O")

Rule #13: _Try to avoid being the one to take Brittany to get her annual flu shot. She's just a little terrified of needles._

(Brittany: "COME AT ME BRO! COME. AT. MEEEEE!")

(Dave: _"Brittany, put the scalpel down!") _

Rule #12: _Interviewers, please don't ask questions that we don't know the answer to._

(Interviewer: "How do you think you have the ability to speak while other animals can't?")

(Jeanette: "Um, ask Jesus?")

Rule #11: _Never attempt the legendary "ALLLLVIIIN!" scream. Ever._

(Bad things happen to good people. Or stupid people.)

Rule #12: _Do not let Eleanor watch "1000 Ways to Die". _

(Did you ever see that episode of Spongebob where he wouldn't go outside because everything was safe indoors? Picture that, but with a Chipette who refuses to come out of the mailbox.)

(It only took about seven minutes for her to come out, but still.)

Rule #10: _Jaxon and Jem, stop using "we no speak americano" as an excuse to get out of __everything__._

(Especially at school)

("Jerimiah Peters to the Principal's office." / _"No speak Americano!")_

("Jaxon, did you copy Padamay's homework?" / "_No speak Americano!")_

Rule #9: _When Dave and Claire go out on dates, make sure someone is there to __accompany__ Dave as he gets ready. _

(He got breath spray mixed with body spray last month.)

(Then bug spray a few weeks ago.)

(Yesterday it was cooking spray.)

Rule #8: _The following list states products that should not be commercial'd with chipmunks as their __celebrity__ guest:_

One: Rodent Repellent.

Two: Lumber Hauling.

Three: Insurance.

Four: Vacuums.

Five: Bear Traps.

Six: Skincare Products.

Seven: Retirement Loans.

Eight: Chapstick.

Nine: Swiffers.

Ten: Projectors.

Rule #7: _Simon might be the __Guitar__ Hero champion, and Toby may be pretty epic at platforms, but Padamay is the king of Halo. _

(She and Toby played it all weekend to see who could beat the game quicker.)

(Toby beat it in eighteen hours-Padamay beat it in seventeen hours and fifty six minutes.)

(Toby: "NOOOO!")

(Padamay: _"I can feel your halo, halo, halo! I can see your halo, halo, halo-oo-oo!") _

(Jaxon: "That's funny, 'cause the games called _Halo _and she was...")

(Everyone: "...")

(Jaxon: "...so, you guys like trains?")

Rule #6: _No, Brittany does not wear pink every Wednesday._

(Brittany: "Only on days that end with Y.")

Rule #5: _Pray you aren't in the car with Dave when it's late at night and he comes to a red light._

(Davie gets a little disoriented.)

(And forgets the difference between the brakes and gas.)

(Just walk home. Your chances of surviving getting knifed or drugged are far higher than surviving a ride home in the Swagger Wagon.)

Rule #4: _Jeanette despises shopping trips, so don't be surprised when this happens:_

(Clerk: "Hi, ladies! What's going on?")

(Jeanette: "Oh, you know, hunting elephants.")

Rule #3: _If you see Alvin get hurt, don't say this:_

"Oh my goodness, are you alright?"

(Alvin: "OF COURSE I AM! I JUST FELT LIKE SCREAMING IT'S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL!")

(Padamay: "Just making sure!" ;D)

Rule #2: _Sharpies are banned._

(Alvin let's Jonah get away with way too many things when he baby-sits. Like coloring the wall and blaming it on Yoshi.)

Rule #1: _The best thing that ever happened in this family was also the craziest thing that ever happened to this family. If you happen to find three singing chipmunks this Christmas, just make sure you strap in, grab a helmet, and try not to fall off the ride._

**888**

"I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD! WHOOO HOOOO!"

Simon's sensitive ears vibrated as Alvin's excited holler rang out above the noise of about a hundred conversations, roaring waves, drinks clicking together, jaws snapping down on meals, and the quickened pulses of dancing tourists.

No one else seemed to notice his brother at the front of the colossal cruise ship, his arms spread wide into the blinding sunset while he grinned like a rabid thing.

"I'm glad the king waited to take on his throne _after _we got out of throw-able distance back to the dock."

Simon shifted his flat gaze back to Jeanette and the game of checkers between them. She raised her brows, nodding for him to make a move.

The munk snorted, giving the current position of his chips a critical position. "Don't worry," he muttered, scratching his chin and sliding a piece to another black square. "I have complete faith in Alvin when it comes to getting us left on some island with the company of killer monkeys and cannibals."

"Always the positive one," Jeanette murmured, her voice warm like the last rays of sunlight drying his fur, dampened by sea spray.

"Always," the munk replied obviously.

"NEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAR! FAAAAAAAAAAR! WHERE EEEEEEEVVVVVVVVEEEER YOU A-"

"FREAKING CAN IT, ALVIN!"

"MAKE ME, FEMALE!"

"Oh joy," Jeanette sighed, rubbing her temples at the sight of a pink blur racing at a red dot across the crowded deck. "Should we go make sure they don't make a crime scene?"

"Munk no," Simon said without any hesitation, snatching up one of her chips and ignoring her light glare. "This is the perfect example as to why vacations are needed: it gives the kids something to do while the adults attempt to sleep, get fat, and relax."

Jeanette snorted a tired laugh, whipping her forehead with a grin. "Lemme know how that works out for you."

"Of course."

"_Move it or lose it, bro bro! Yeah, you!" _

The counterparts turned to the familiar voice muffled by the mass of the crowd. Pale arms pushed through couples, expertly dodged limbs, and stumbled to a stop at their table. Padamay threw herself back up into a straight stand, giving exaggerated huffs as she tossed her tangled curls back. She grumbled and brushed off her tanning shoulders as the chipmunk and chipette waited patiently.

"You seem quite winded," Jeanette said pleasantly.

Padamay hacked a dry cough. "It's actually from running up four flights of god-forbidden stairs trying to find you guys."

Simon tensed slightly. "Something deathly wrong already?"

"We've only been on this cruise for six hours," Jeanette reminded him reassuringly, though her voice wavered.

"Oh, nothings wrong, little dudes!" Padamay started to wave a hand through the air nonchalantly, but then paused mid-flap to tap her chin. "Well," she shrugged, "I guess if you considered Dave being _hammered_ drunk and singing _Love is a Battlefield _karaoke at the bar downstairs with hidden reporters and cell phone's around-" She bit back a smirk as Simon's eyes tripled in size, "-then the term 'deathly wrong' has just hit black plague status."

Simon blinked at her once with huge eyes, then grabbed Jeanette by the collar and flung himself head first off the table. Padamay snickered at the chipette's startled exclamations as she was dragged through the crowd.

"_What the munk happened to the adults relaxing!"_

"_The adults can relax after they dodge the bullet holding the margarita and the microphone!"_

"...what's up with _those _love munks?"

Padamay recognized the husky voice of Brittany easily and looked down to the pink clothed chipette raising her brows after the retreating counterparts. "Just the usual handling of family crises that we're all too lazy to take care of," Padamay replied, pulling a woven chair out from the table and flopping down in it. "Nothing special."

"Ah," Brittany nodded. The chipette opened her mouth to say something more, but her words were smothered with a grin as a drenched paw clawed up the edge of the table and a heavy body rolled over onto the abandoned checker board.

Padamay frowned at the munk. "Diiid she seriously push you overboard?" She fixed the chipette with a stern stare. Arguments and fights were fine in the Seville house as long as everyone knew they would never lead anywhere farther, but attempted homicide was pushing it. Like, a lot.

Alvin's stare was hard like yellow diamonds. "Jacuzzi."

Padamay relaxed immensely, throwing a bangled hand over her heart. "Oh, thank God!" She laughed. "I thought it was something bad."

"Yeah, 'cuz throwing a celebrity into a tide pool of jets is _so _not worth getting mad over."

The teen shrugged as the munk dragged himself to a stand. Brittany batted her lashes with artificial sweetness as he pointed to his own eyes, then to her blue ones.

_I'm watching you._

She rolled her eyes in reply and asked the elder Seville sweetly, "Everyone else winding down for the night as well, my dearest guardian?"

Padamay tipped her head in thought as she looked over the outrageously priced menu with strangely named foods. "I passed by Toby and Julie on the way up here," she drawled, squinting at the long titles of African dishes. "Toby was puking his guts out over the lower deck and Julie was pointing and laughing."

"Not very surprising," Alvin muttered, trying to shake the water out of his fur and failing terribly.

"Jem and Jax have been in the arcade for the past four hours in a death match of air hockey, Claire took Eleanor and Theodore Jonah to the dinner buffet, _annnnd _Simon and Jeanette are probably dragging Dave out of the bar by his ears right now."

Alvin's brows creased. "Why would they need to... oh, _crap."_

"Uh-huh," Padamay replied without looking up from the menu. "Daddy Dearest will probably be hurling over the deck with Toby by tomorrow morning."

Alvin shook his soaked head in disbelief, then frowned deeper. Padamay looked up and saw his ears twitch while Brittany's eyes narrowed at the stairs leading down to the lower deck.

"What?"

Slowly, Alvin said, "Do you know if Dave happened to be doing a little badly tuned singing while on his drunken escapade?"

"Um..."

"To Pat Benatar?"

"Uh-"

All the festivites stilled as the doors to the stairs burst apart and a familiar form in a painfully bright Hawaiin shirt and shorts sprang through, wailing happily as others began to stumble and stagger after him.

"**WE ARE YOUNG!"**

"_Sweet zombie apacalypse!" _

"_Jax, stop making up stupid catch phrases and grabhimbeforehefalls! Rapido, rapido!"_

"**HEARTACHE TO HEARTACHE!"**

"_I think I'm gonna be sick again, Jules..."_

"_No, no, no, not on the over priced dandles!"_

"**WE STAND!"**

"_Do you think the captain would be angry if I stole a raft and floated off to some nice, quiet patch of sand all by myself, Jeanette?" _

"**NO PROMISES!"**

"_... you're dead serious, aren't you?"_

"_Like, grave dead."_

"**NO DEMANDS!"**

"_Got any room in that raft?"_

The two most infamous stars and the teen stared as the crowd parted an enormous path for the hollering drunkard and the frantic trail of teenagers, young adults, and furry celebrities racing after him.

Padamay suddenly stuck two fingers in her mouth and whistled loudly in the tense silence weighing down the deck. _Everyone _jumped and about half of them had to bite back embarrassing sounds of surprise. Padamay snapped her fingers high in the air, narrowing her eyes at the menu. "Aye, waiter! Lemme get an order of these churro things! They look _wonderfully_ terrifying!"

Brittany snorted a laugh and shook her head, her munk cracking a handsome smirk in return. "This vacation is _so _gonna end up shipwrecked," she told him with a sure nod.

Alvin grinned wider, glancing over to his insane family who had succeeded in stopping Dave by burying him under a dog pile of limbs. He could hear Dave's drunken melody muffled by the weight.

He turned back to the chipette, smiling. "More like chipwrecked."

**888**

**A/N: **_Dun, dun, dun, DUUUUUN! _

_Holy crap. I'm done. I can't be done. But I am. But I can't be. But I am, I am, I am! :'D_

_I'd like the thank the Academy;) Annnd..._

**Songfire15, **for being my first reviewer, a kick butt beta, and my zombie apocalypse exit buddy:3

**Windddragon Eternal,** for thinking the idea of a Chipmunk Rule Book was awesome.

**Amddude,** for thinking it was funny.

**ChipetteGirl10,** for wanting me to "PLEASE CONTINUE!"

**_, **for thinking it was entertaining...

**ChipmunksChipettes4Ever,** for liking the "Hash Slinging Slasher" joke.

**Cerulean Pen**, for thinking it was the funniest thing they had read in a while.

**CoolCandy1249, **for "less than three-ing" the story;)

**Cy23, **for telling me it was quite funny.

**CallMeSky, **for wanting me to continue.

**Frisky chipette, **for liking it.

**SPARK187, **for thinking it was hysterical and giving some nice advice.

**Xxbladed-acoustix'sXx,** for reviewing and talking nerd with me about Transformers and Pirates. C:

**Random, **for...being random and LOLing? ;D

**StarziesXP, **for asking a funny question.

**Spring-Heel-Jacqueline,** for leaving my longest review ever. o.o

**JordyTheChipmunkLover, **for "L, O, to the flippin' L."

**Sonnygirl09,** for "LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVING it."

**IfIRuledTheWorldOhYeah,** for giving me inspiration for Dave's wife beater joke.

**Deactivated User, **for thinking it was hilarious.

**Heavens-Angel96, **for laughing at the randomness.

**AluvsB, **for the Austin Powers jokes.

**13Fearless-Smiler1123, **for thinking I was hilarious:3

**LaurenAndZoeSimple, **for liking Rule #75.

**Angie J Trifid, **for loving the story.

**Drkseeker, **for thinking the rules were super funny.

**Numbah 175,** for rolling on the floor laughing in the middle of the night.

**Munkz'andEttez'Rule, **for liking Rule #112.

**Jeanette Miller, **yes, that is all.

**Storm Uchiha, **for thinking the rules were sooooo hilarious.

**The Chipette Protector**, for reviewing and submitting a rule.

**Jordyyyyy,** for loving the story.

**Chipettesrawesome44, **for wanting more.

**Hi, **for asking Padamay why she stuffs them in socks.

**,** for asking questions:3

**Gwendoline Mary, **for watching the Royal Wedding while I was:)

**WolfGreyson, **for thinking the rules were possibly the funniest thing they've read in a long time.

**Just a fan, **for reviewing.

**Water-Angel445, **for laughing so hard they choked on air.

**InsaneGirlDGH,** for thinking the Guidelines were interesting.

**Hillsy21, **for asking Dave a funny question. :3

**Name Smeared in Pink, **for watching Big Bang. Bazinga~

**Muzic, **for reviewing and wanting more.

**Vote4voolige15, **for liking Simon's air guitar and Toby's reaction to helium.

**AbigailSevill24,** for asking cool questions.

**Izaackjl, **for asking questions just for my OC's. :)

**Chipmunks are my THANG, **for leaving a review;)

_More to come, not sure when, not sure how, but soon._

_Play nice you guys! ;D_


	14. NOMINATED!

"I think I'm pregnant."

Alvin blinked exactly three times before dragging his eyes from the television. He stared at his company slouched beside him, rolling his gaze off the pale face, the lanky shoulders, down the **WHERE'S THE BEEF **t-shirt, over the faded jeans, and came to a stop at the red converses. The munk then retraced his steps to blink up at the worried brown eyes.

Once more, Alvin blinked.

Toby made a miserable sound. "You think so too, don't you?"

Alvin snorted. "No offense to that individuality of yours, Tobester..." He eyed the human's clothes. "But even if that was possible, you _may _have just a little trouble finding a girl that would, ah-" He squinted at the overly bold, overly bright scrawl across Toby's narrow chest. _"Locate _your beef."

Toby glared and shifted on the couch, shuffling across the couch uncomfortably. "...your face is hard to locate..."

Alvin stared at his cousin a moment longer before turning his gaze up to the ceiling. "Why are you breathing my air?" he wondered, shaking his head miserably.

Toby made another face, strangely reminding Alvin of a puffer fish tasting lemons for the first time.

The pair surfed through infomercials for another few minutes. When Alvin paused on an advertisement of an intimidating blender, Toby cut the exuberant host off by blurting, "But seriously. I think somethings up."

"With what?" Alvin asked, his tone laced with clear annoyance. "Your beefy fetus?"

Now it was Toby's turn to roll his eyes. "If _male seahorses _can find away to birth over like, _four hundred _babies out of their _belly buttons_-and I'll say it again...BELLY BUTTONS-then I'm pretty sure dudes can find a way to have just _one _kid."

"Whatever, bro," Alvin sighed, meshing his clawed toe against the remote to switch over to the jewelry channel. "Brittany probably just put some laxatives in those brownies last night," he added lightly, biting back a smirk as Toby's eyes went perfectly round. "I'm sure you'll be fine," he added quickly. "Unless you ate over... like... a bite or two."

Toby turned an interesting shade of green. Alvin let his smirk come out to play. "But anyways," he grinned. "What's up?"

The elder's color faded back slightly at the change of topic. He even cracked a lop-sided smile. "Well apparently," he drawled. "Our author lady has made it big time."

At that, Alvin let out a shameless laugh. "Yeah, right! And _I'm _a singing chipmunk. Get real."

"No, really!" Toby insisted, nodding furiously. "I.. wait, what?"

Alvin acted as if he were explaining the most obvious thing in the world. "You _honestly _believe our author has brought in the big bucks by writing a rule book on how to live with singing rodents? Doubt it!"

Toby made a noise of frustration. "Okay, maybe she hasn't made it big time _yet, _BUT she _was nominated_ for an award!"

Now the munk's ears perked up in slight interest. "You mean like an actual award?"

"Well... y... no."

"Thought so." Alvin replied smugly.

"But she was nominated for something! Admit it, it's awesome! And she will win, if she get's votes!"

"So she hasn't even _won _the award that's not an actual award-?"

"Just listen!" Toby snapped. "The only way she can win this thing is by getting the most votes!" Toby leaned in too close for Alvin's comfort. "And if she wins, do you know what that could mean for us?" he exclaimed in a frantic whisper.

Alvin raised his eyeridges. "Uh, nothing?"

Toby stared and thought for a moment, then back off with a shrug. "Well, okay, maybe that's true, but it'll make our author happy."

The munk have a long, drawn out sigh. "I dunno," he said thoughtfully. "It seems like a lot of effort to vote for someone if I'm not getting anything in return."

Toby shrugged. "Even if she does win, she'll still be grateful that she was even nominated for something like this."

Alvin made a face. "Well... I guess when you put it like that..."

Toby hid a grin.

"What do they have to do? Is is easy?"

The human snorted. "Dude, I could do it on like, an Expert Level of Left 4 Dead up against a horde of boomer zombies with nothing but a frying pan and a shot of adrenaline."

"...so it's easy then?"

"Duh."

Alvin tilted his head. "What are these guys even voting for?"

Toby reached into his back pocket and unfolded a piece of crumbled paper. "Here, read this. It's from the author." He blushed slightly. "Or, try to read it. It got washed about seven times, so..."

"Of course," Alvin sighed, spreading his arms wide to hold the sides of the paper. He narrowed his eyes at the words and attempted to read.

_**Guidelines to Chipmunks and Chipettes has been nominated for best Humor Fic! If you feel like this story deserves the win and you have no idea how to go about voting for this insane piece of literature, then don't trip. Just go to my profile and click on the link I have all ready for you. Just put your vote in as a review and vote the Guidelines as best Humor Fic! Voting ends on April 15, 2012. Only three anonymous votes are counted per nominee, so please take the five seconds it takes to log into your account and vote that way. Even if I don't win, I'll be grateful for being nominated and getting **__**any**__** votes. I can't thank you guys enough just for reading my stories, little on reviewing them and voting for them in a way like this. So, if you think this story deserves it, go to my profile and click that link! You know you wanna! ;D**_


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